CAMPUS NEWS

Students Behind on Meal Plan Payments Receive Cryptic Letters in Campus Mail

    SAINT PETER, MN—The issue of money is not one that is unfamiliar to college students, with Gusties being no exception.  Students on the hill have been subjected to overpriced tuition, room-and-board and above all, meal plans.  The Evelyn Young Dining Hall is a place where many students congregate to eat and complain about eating there.  The exponentially increasing prices of the veggie stir fry have caused many students to fall into dire financial straits, with no help in sight.  

These same students, however, have all recently received similar cryptic letters in their campus mailboxes.  Suspiciously, many of these students have also been disappearing off the hill and have yet to be found.  The Fourth Crown caught up with the one student, Eddie Turner, who was the only one to miraculously return after disappearing.  “I was in a bad spot.  I had missed a couple meal plan payments and gotten beat up by some dining service employees in the Jackson Center bathroom for it. But then I got that letter…” Eddie then went on to tell us about his experience while he was missing.  “After I called the number on the letter, I got picked up by the tennis courts at 1 am in the Gus Bus,” Eddie recalled.  “The next thing I knew, we were locked inside the Blue with a bunch of dudes in Gus the Lion costumes.”  Eddie found himself among fellow Gusties that were also behind on their meal plan payments, all looking for a chance to repay the unforgiving dining service.  

The participants were then told they would be playing for a lucrative prize, with a giant glass lion’s head lowering from the ceiling.  Inside the head were riches beyond words: ten Gus Bucks, three 15%-discount coupons to the Book Mark and a reserved parking spot in Coed.  Many participants fainted upon seeing such untold treasures and everyone was motivated to win it all, whatever the cost. 

The participants had to play a variety of Gustie-themed games, including CAB Bingo and beer pong, while members of the Gustavus Board of Trustees looked on in amusement.  Eddie reigned as the sole champion after playing for days, with all other contestants getting sentenced to two weeks working in the Caf.  “All in all it was a great experience,” stated Eddie, who now lives a lavish lifestyle in a Southwest single suite.  “It gave me hope when I had none.”  More updates to follow.

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