SAINT PETER (MN) — Homework has long been a part of the college experience. Ever since the dawn of higher education, professors have decided to make their students’ lives just a little bit worse. They decided that the best way to do that was to make students do the same thing they learned in class over and over again, with only slight differences, for upwards of half an hour.

And especially at Gustavus, all these professors making students do stuff outside of class gives them hardly any time to do what they love doing here. Things like watching YouTube videos while smoking weed, crying in the library in 15 minute intervals, and even eating those sweet, sweet Caf pizzas three slices at a time. You know, things that we all love doing. And while we at The Fourth Crown don’t know about the rest of you guys, we say that this has been enough.

The Fourth Crown says that it is time to put our foot down. At the end of the day, Gusties, it’s us who pay tuition. It’s us who pay our professor’s salaries, so it should be up to us to decide whether or not we should do homework. Junior Heather Tillson says “It’s unreasonable for my professors to expect me to complete a four-page paper with an annotated bibliography for both my U.S. History Since the Civil War and Modern Philosophy classes, on top of having to Google how to code in Python for an Intro to Computer Science project!” rants Tillson.

“It’s absurd, and we all know it is. So I’m deciding to do something about it. Starting today, I will not be doing homework outside of class, even if it means I lose that 10 or 15% of my grade.” Tillson hopes to be joined in her extreme bravery by the rest of the Gustavus community. “Because if you don’t, this will kind of ruin my chances at grad school.”

“I do expect that my students do the homework that I assign them,” said a visiting professor who wished to remain anonymous. “Among other things, the benefits include more time to complete the learning process and allowing for a comfortable place to study.” The visiting professor did go on to say something about there being other reasons for assigning homework besides just being difficult, but our reporter had stopped paying attention at that point. We interviewed psychology major and all-around nerd Jack Berglund about this, who added that most of his homework isn’t even hard, and told us that if we actually “paid attention in class” or whatever then we’d be just fine.

But here’s the thing, Gusties: we don’t want to do homework, and because we don’t want to, we shouldn’t reasonably be expected to. It’s just so boring. “I would much rather sit on my bed in my dorm in Sorensen Hall watching Tik Toks and eating popcorn for six hours. I pay tuition to be in extracurriculars and sleep face down in the flower bed at 3 Flags- not to do class outside of class.” concludes Tillson. If Gusties have anything to say, it’s that it’s high time we stopped doing our homework.