ST. PETER, MN – One week after falling into a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety about the direction of his life, Gustavus mascot Gus the Lion has decided to dye his mane a bright blue color. The move comes as a shock to some fans of the anthropomorphic lion, but many others are supportive of the change.
“I really like the new look! Gus is really coming out of his shell,” observed sophomore Yuri Thunberg upon seeing Gus’ Instagram post revealing the new change in appearance. “It’s literally all my friends have been talking about lately,” Thunberg said.
When asked for comment, Gus the Lion shared that his quarter-life crisis began last week. “It suddenly hit me that I’ve been at Gustavus since the early 1990s, and for the last thirty years I still haven’t graduated,” Gus said. This sudden realization started a wave of despair as Gus contemplated how he could possibly pay off three decades of tuition.
This shocking change in appearance reminds us that this year has been stressful for many Gusties. A recent college report has found that each Gustavus student this year has gone through an average of 2.3 hair colors. “In addition, we found that 78 percent of students have tried to alter their self-image with a new piercing,” said a spokesperson for the college.
At press time, Gus’ quarter-life crisis has only intensified after browsing LinkedIn for five straight hours. Sources confirmed that Gus has been asking friends about what tattoos would match his vibe, indicating that further alterations are likely.
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS