Line for General’s Chicken Causes Massive Traffic Stop on I-169

ST. PETER, MN – The Evelyn Young Dining Hall is known throughout the world as a place of culinary excellence, providing a variety of gourmet selections for hungry Gusties on a daily basis.  Recently, demand has been at an all-time high for one of its most popular dishes: General’s chicken.  In fact, last Tuesday the line for the dining hall delicacy was reported to have reached all the way down the hill, causing  I-169 traffic to come to a complete stand-still.  

“It was outrageous!” stated St. Peter resident Don Kupinski. “Here I am, trying to get to Mankato for work, and, all of a sudden, I see hundreds of these kids standing in a straight line across the highway! I was honestly shocked that they could even walk in a straight line, compared to how I see them most Saturday nights, ” Kupinkski said.

The line for the General’s chicken continued to grow throughout the day, and in no time had reached all the way to Mankato.  Curious and confused Mankato State students were seen joining the line. Blake Mav, a junior at Mankato State, expressed his intrigue in a Fourth Crown exclusive interview. 

“Y’know I’ve always been up for testing the unknown,” Mav said while adjusting his snapback. “What’s life without a little risk? This line has to be for something rad, like free Hamms or maybe a case of some Bapples!” continued Mav.

The highway remained blocked off until late evening when word reached those still in line that the Caf had officially run out of the precious chicken.  “I’m not even mad about it,” stated sophomore Jen Farquar, who despite setting up her tent outside of Third Street Tavern a week in advance, was unable to get any General’s chicken.  “It just puts me in an even closer spot for next week’s General’s chicken line,” Farquar reported from her tent on the Gustavus Adolphus College sign.  

To combat the high demand and low supply issues, the Caf has stated that several preventative measures will be put into effect. Reportedly, Dining Services will now be accepting pre-orders of the chicken up to a month in advance, which will include a to-go box with five nuggets of chicken and a scoop of white rice for only $24.99.  The Caf has also decided to continue their same strategy of employing one inexperienced first-year to work the Hello-Wok while the other Dining Service employees watch them from their empty stations, so as to maximize efficiency.  

As a final takeaway, if you are planning on getting General’s chicken at some point in the next couple of months, you might want to start making preparations sooner rather than later.  More updates to follow.

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS