CAMPUS NEWS

ROTC Students Infuriated After Being Refused Veterans Discount in Caf

ST. PETER, MN – ROTC students across campus were furious this past weekend when Dining Service employees refused to give them a Veterans discount. An incident occurred on Sunday morning when Blake Frederick, a junior ROTC student, sought to purchase his GAC Hangover Brunch. After noticing that his plate of food had totaled to over twenty dollars, Frederick asked the cashier if he, as an active service member, would receive the Veterans discount. Eye witness reports say the cashier, Brenda Fleming, laughed aloud and had the following to say:

“Um no, and anyways, you think I’m gonna believe that you’re a soldier with your Halloween costume-looking ass? Get outta here.”

Witnesses reportedly say that following the refusal, Frederick and his comrades stormed out of the dining hall, their baggy uniforms swishing loudly as they left in anger. Those who have worked in the service industry may recognize this behavior from the elderly conservatives looking to get their 3-years-expired coupons applied. The Fourth Crown encourages students to react the same to this situation as they would to the one described above: ignore and move on.

The Fourth Crown reached out for comment but was promptly denied, with Frederick citing criticism of our “make-believe style” and that we’re “only fake news”. An astute observation there Frederick, a shocking instance of correctly labeling a news platform fake.

In support of their comrade, ROTC students across campus have begun boycotting their courses, citing unconstitutionality – the ROTC program’s Word of the Week™. The impact, however, was rather insignificant for many students, with many not even realizing that some of their classmates were gone.

“I mean it was only like, one guy that was absent from my stats class. You’re telling me that was a political statement? I was honestly just relieved that his big ass backpack wasn’t there,” said Rip Filken, a sophomore biology major.

While many among the student body have been slow to react to the ROTC uproar, Administration has responded rapidly. This notable instance of action came as a surprise to many students, as the department is notorious for its sloth-like demeanor. In a statement released Tuesday afternoon, Administration announced that in placement of the Veterans discount, they will be offering ROTC students a free cup of soft-serve alternating Wednesdays and Saturdays.

Hopefully, this appeasement satisfies the campus’s ROTC population; however, if we know anything of these students, we can be certain that come Memorial day we’ll have to write this same article all over again. More updates to follow.

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS