ST. PETER, MN- The new Lund Center is near completion, and the beloved athletic building’s renovation has become one of the most anticipated events in Gustavus history.  Athletes, coaches and the rest of the Gustavus community are teeming with excitement and hold high expectations for the new facility.  But, in a recent interview with the Lund Center construction workers, it was revealed that they are experiencing unreal levels of stress and anxiety over the project.

“There is just so much hype around the project,” said foreman Bob Stringer.  “People are acting like this will be a five star hotel, when really we’re just making space for a couple more treadmills.”  Upon interviewing most of the construction crew, many had similar sentiments to their foreman, worrying they would be unable to create something worthy of the monstrous expectations of the Gustavus community.  These feelings of anxiety come after various statements from the school about the renovation, affirming the new building as the best thing to happen to this school since the Caf’s Gyro Fridays.  The new athletic building is also being hailed as the “Eighth Wonder of the World” and has been proposed as a World Heritage Site to the UN.  With all of this pressure, the stressed Lund construction workers have been working tirelessly over the past few months to make the new Lund the best it can possibly be.  

“No one seems to understand that it is just a building,” said a weary Don Gribble, who has reportedly gone weeks without seeing his family while working vigorously on the renovation. “They think that a couple more squat racks and a new basketball court are going to make this the Mecca of DIII athletics”.

A recent Fourth Crown poll even revealed that 88% of Gustie athletes completely forgot that they would not be DI athletes and would still be competing at the DIII level after the new Lund is finished. “We just need people to relax a little, we’re doing our best here,” Gribble said. “Just ‘cause they promised you that you would see this building completed when they recruited you here doesn’t mean we aren’t going to take ten more years to finish”. So let’s lower our hopes just a little bit, Gusties, and remember that the new Lund Center will probably be the greatest thing that you will ever behold.