Christmas in Christ Chapel Canceled Amid Oral Chlamydia Outbreak

St. Peter, MN — Organizers of this year’s Christmas in Christ Chapel were forced to cancel all remaining performances after reports of a widespread oral chlamydia outbreak in the Gustavus Choir. According to Health Services, roughly half of the 70-member choral ensemble has contracted the sexually transmitted infection, leaving them with sore throats, swollen lymph nodes and canker sores.

Although the infection is treatable with antibiotics, director of Health Services Heather Dale is concerned that choir students aren’t practicing safe sex. “We had no idea how many of the performers were sleeping together,” said Dale. “Transmission of a sexual infection at this scale is really unprecedented.” Originally isolated to members of the Gustavus Choir, the outbreak has now spread to other choirs, the orchestra, and even two members of the handbell ensemble. “We were really concerned about mitigating the transmission of COVID-19 during rehearsal,” said choir director Brandon Dean. “Turns out we should have been handing out condoms.” 

Many students are upset about the cancellation, including senior tenor Lucas Curtis. “This is my last Christmas in Christ Chapel performance, and everyone blew it. Like, literally, everyone blew it.” But others on campus have expressed overwhelming relief. “I’m so sick of hearing everyone talk about C in CC. We get it, you sing. At least now it’s over sooner,” offered junior Taylor Hicks. 

To make use of the risers and decorations set up in Christ Chapel, the Peer Assistants will be hosting Safe Sex Bingo on Saturday and Sunday evening. All students and members of the campus community are invited to attend. “We really want to use this as an opportunity to educate Gusties about the dangers of oral chlamydia,” said Peer Assistant Lydia Johnson. “Hopefully we can prevent this from happening again.”

Ticket holders will be refunded the full price of their ticket in the form of GusBucks.

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS