Nordic Ski Team Wins Tournament, Alerts Campus to its Presence

ST. PETER, MN — Gustavus is a world-renowned institution not only for academics but also for top-notch athletics.  Home to a myriad of varsity sports, Gustavus has long supported and provided for its numerous beloved athletics programs.  Recently, however, one of these programs made itself known to the Gustavus community for its exemplary performance on the powder.  The Nordic ski team won a tournament last week, notifying the rest of the campus of the team’s existence.

    Unbeknownst to absolutely everyone at the school, Gustavus has had a competitive Nordic ski team for years.  The team reportedly not only practices but also competes against other schools, very similar to other varsity sports teams at Gustavus.  The team has been operating without the knowledge of any student or faculty for years, and only recently came into the light after winning a local tournament.  “We kind of just run the group ourselves,” stated senior captain Lydia Garfinkel.  “We have no funding so sometimes it can be tough to make it to different tournaments and whatnot, but hopefully now that people know we exist we can get some buses or something.”  Dumbfounded athletic director Tom Brown initially refused to believe that the team was real, pointing out that Nordic skiing is just skiing in Nordic countries.  

    Upon letting him know of his error, he went on to say that the athletics department was going to right their wrongs to the Nordic ski team.  “I feel bad because I probably should’ve known they existed,” said a disappointed Brown.  “But to make it up to them we are going to make some huge additions to the new Lund, just for them.”  A guilt-ridden, yet enthusiastic Tom Brown went on to promise the Nordic team that their needs would be addressed and met in the renovated Lund Center.  Still not entirely sure what Nordic skiing was, Brown decided to play it safe and construct a to-scale indoor ski resort.  Entitled “The Hill on the Hill”, the project will cost an estimated 200 million dollars and extend the Lund completion date until 2045, however it is a step that excites skiers and students alike.  More updates to follow.

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS