All of Campus Now Prairie in Progress As Grounds-keeping Staff Vacation

ST. PETER, MN — Gusties wandering the Gustavus campus during the past few weeks may have noticed that the areas designated “Prairie in Progress” have dramatically expanded. This vegetative change has come following the shocking disappearance of the entire groundskeeping staff. Recently, The Fourth Crown was able to chase down one of these “missing” staff members, securing an interview with the disheveled worker. “Well,” said head groundskeeper Les McWeedy, “we started putting up those ‘Prairie in Progress’ signs on the parts of campus we just didn’t get around to mowing that day, to be honest. But after a while, we noticed that everyone was just kind of going along with it.” 

After noticing they could significantly cut down on the amount of work that had to be done, GAC groundskeepers began setting up Prairies in more and more places. “It was only after pretty much the whole campus was officially,” McWeedy paused here to let out a chuckle, “‘Prairie in Progress’ that we thought it was safe to plan a boy’s trip to Cabo.” 

According to McWeedy, the staff plans to be gone for at least three months. While he seemed to acknowledge that the slow return of the natural biodiversity on the hill might arouse some suspicion, McWeedy seemed confident that “throwing up some signs warning of a massive ground wasp infestation” would do the trick to keep wandering Gusties from touching the now several foot-tall Prairie grasses, much less approaching them with the intention to mow. 

However, not everyone is behind this extreme makeover. Following an incident on campus where a touring student’s younger sister loudly asked her bourgeoise mother why the air didn’t smell of Round-Up weed killer like at home, Administration is trying to control the growth. Unswayed by Administration’s fears that a lack of uniformly cut and harshly maintained turf would drive away more traditionally-minded prospective Gustie families, the groundskeeping team was last seen piling into a van with suitcases and some beach floaties. As for us here at The Fourth Crown, we wish them a fun and well-deserved vacation. 

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS