ST. PETER, MN – March is upon us, and for many avid collegiate sports fans, it marks the beginning of the NCAA March Madness DI Basketball Tournaments. Each year, millions of wishful participants fill out what they believe to be a perfect bracket of the tournament, guessing each game from the round of 64 to the final. And each year, these millions of brackets are “busted” by unexpected performances from teams previously deemed as underdogs. One such instance occurred recently right here at Gustavus, as junior football player Todd Blofeld received an A on his most recent economics test in one of the biggest upsets of the year.
Though presumptuous to say so early, we have the audacity to claim that this may be the upset of the tournament. Baffled analysts and inside sources, including Blofeld’s friends, classmates, and professor, claim that Blofeld’s first round matchup against the economics test was supposed to be devastating for Blofeld. “It was supposed to be a surefire pick,” said disappointed classmate Victor LaVigne. “Knowing Todd’s underachieving test performance this season, he was really up against it, and now I’m out $100.” LaVigne is not the only one to lose big after the upset. Professor Jeff Owen himself had no faith in Blofeld, staking his tenure on Blofeld’s probable failure. “I taught Todd all unit long, and I thought I knew for a fact that he was the definition of a lost cause. He could barely even spell economics, let alone tell me what it was,” said the despondent Owen.
Despite all of the world against him, Blofeld said that he felt confident going into the test. Blofeld chalked the massive upset down to perseverance, focusing on the basics, and making sure to show up to the test just a little bit high. “I thrive off of it,” proclaimed Todd after being asked how he felt about the overwhelming adversity. “I just went in confident in my own abilities and knowledge, with the old phone-in-the-lap strategy in case things got hairy.” With the success, Blofeld said he is looking to carry the same energy into his biology test this Monday. Thrown after the shocking result, bettors are now unsure whether to put their money on the imposing biology exam or on Blofeld, who has a 50/50 shot of showing up to his 8 am on Mondays anyways. Stay tuned for more.
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS