CAMPUS NEWS

Gus Bus Converted into Giant Surrey Bicycle to Accommodate Gas Crisis

ST. PETER, MN – Across the world, gas prices have skyrocketed as a result of the ongoing crisis in Ukraine. Millions of people are having to cash out hundreds of extra dollars to simply accomplish their day-to-day routine, and some are having to make significant adjustments to the way they live. Gustavus is no exception, and gas prices have impacted life on the hill dramatically over the past couple of weeks. Included in these changes is the Gus Bus, which has recently been changed into a giant surrey-style bicycle to accommodate for high gas prices.

Following the spiked cost of gas, Gustavus knew they were going to have to make some cutbacks around campus in regard to vehicular transport.  “We really wanted to get rid of all unnecessary gas-powered vehicles on campus,” stated director of Campus Safety Frederick Smith,  “but we tried going one weekend without the Gus Bus in service and ended up losing almost 40 students in one night”.  Determining that the Gus Bus was too expensive to keep running yet also very necessary for the livelihood of the student population, Smith decided to convert the Gus Bus into a giant surrey bicycle, dubbed the GusCycle.  Early trials of the GusCycle were very successful, revealing that it could hold up to twenty inebriated Gusties at once while also allowing them to sweat out whatever substances were in their system.  

The updated form of transport has been well received by the student body as well.  “The GusCycle is awesome.  After a losing night of beer pong I was quite literally needing a pick-me-up, and the GusCycle delivered!” exclaimed sophomore Wayne Helsing.  Students have been raving about the new features included in the GusCycle, including the addition of cup holders, a weather resistant roof that doubles as extra seating for passed out Gusties, and a complimentary beer helmet both for bike safety and enjoyment.  The only complaints that have surfaced so far about the new GusCycle are coming from the old drivers of the Gus Bus.  “Do you know how physically and mentally impossible it is to pedal twenty drunk college kids up the hill?” said a visibly exhausted Hank Greenway, who now pilots the GusCycle.  “I worked one night on the GusCycle last Saturday and I still can’t walk, those damn kids don’t help with pedaling at all!”  

Despite this, the GusCycle has had an undoubtedly positive reception on the hill, and has inspired a new generation of gas-friendly vehicles on campus. Safe Rides is now piloting the use of horse and buggy transportation, expected to be introduced in mid-April. More updates to follow.

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