Res Life to Require Medical Accommodations for Indoor Housing Fall 2022

The most soul-sucking, heart-wrenching, wretchedly foul, indescribably horrid time of the year is upon us: housing selection. Gustavus is notorious not only for its lack of humane housing options but also for its insistence that all students live on campus until they escape graduate. This creates a perfect storm in which only those who have medical accommodations or those who exploit their friends with accommodations make it into housing without black mold and with more than 10 square feet of personal space. 

Gustavus administration, in response to increasing resentment of residential life and the perils they put Gusties through year to year, has made things even worse with a recent announcement. Belinda Danger, assistant director of Residential Life and co-chair of the “Increasing Student Discomfort” working group, has announced that due to an increase in enrollment and Gustavus’ unwillingness to either build more fucking housing or let people live off-campus, Residential Life “will now be requiring medical accommodations for indoor housing arrangements.” 

This comes as a shock to few, but many older students are accustomed to the various hoops and hurdles one must go through in order to live in semi-tolerable on-campus housing. Jessie Ringer, a senior living in a Pitman double with 3 other seniors, laments not choosing to exploit the accommodation system earlier. “I thought about making up an accommodation for an apartment last year, but I had moral qualms about it. If only I had known that some people were taking advantage of their health care providers, lactose intolerance and the unfair housing placements at Gustavus…”

Housing accommodations are hard enough to gain on campus without people attempting to exploit Res-Life. People are scrambling to find a doctor who will sign off on their indoor living permits, which is proving to be more challenging than anticipated. On-campus physicians and mental health practitioners have been encouraged in a totally-not-blackmail-and-completely-legal-and-moral way to refuse student requests to live indoors during the 2022-2023 school year.

Good luck with this year’s housing selection process, Gusties, and may your arboretum tents hold up against the Minnesota weather if and when you are asked to move there. If you are someone who’s exploited the accommodation system to your benefit, we at the Fourth Crown don’t blame you for doing what you had to do to survive in the conditions Gustavus creates. Best of luck in acquiring shelter next year, Gusties!

Categories: CAMPUS NEWS