ST. PETER, MN– Throughout the world, Gustavus is well-known as an institution constantly making groundbreaking and world-changing breakthroughs in a variety of fields.  Gusties have grown to pride themselves on making these types of innovative discoveries here on the hill, where ingenuity has become commonplace.  Recently, however, one student has embarked on one of the most ambitious attempts at pushing the limits of human knowledge that the school has ever seen.  Brave senior student Jasper Nipsky has set out on a journey to find the end of Ring Road. 

Ring Road is well-known as one of the best ways for people to travel around and see what the beautiful Gustavus campus has to offer.  But what few have considered is what lies at the end of the famed avenue.  “I was just thinking about how we all just take it for granted,” mused Nipsky, “Everyone has been on Ring Road before, but no one has ever thought to find the true end of it.”  Nipsky went on to explain that like any road, Ring Road is sure to have an end somewhere, and he is determined to find it.  Nipsky has reportedly been preparing for his journey for months now, analyzing maps of the campus and talking to fellow students about their experiences with the road.  He also decided to embark on his mission on foot, so as to better take in the expedition. 

In the early hours of Monday morning, Nipsky set out on his ambitious quest.  In his knapsack he brought along plenty of food and water, a detailed map of the Gustavus campus, a compass, and his trusty GPS.  He also brought along a Gustie tour guide as a wayfinder and local guide to the unfamiliar new lands he would reach.  “I just wonder when he’ll find out,” said interested first-year Lewis Clark, who watched Nipsky pass by Norelius Hall from his window seven times that morning.  Upon catching up with Nipsky, we found that he had not lost any of the determination that he had originally started his journey with.  “I just know I’m getting close,” stated a physically exhausted yet resolute Nipsky on his twentieth pass by Collegeview.  “I can’t give up now, not when I’m so close.”  Nipsky is reportedly still out there on Ring Road searching for its end, so if you see him make sure to tell him good luck.  More updates to follow.