ST. PETER, MN — As the weather has gradually warmed and sidewalks have cleared, some Gustavus students have taken their trusty Razor Scooters out of storage. The childhood toy has proved to be a surprisingly popular mode of transportation around campus. However, the return of the Razor Scooters also pose some serious safety concerns, according to the Gustavus Campus Safety office. According to Director of Campus Safety Frederick Smith, officers apprehended several students over the weekend for “scootering under the influence.” Smith told The Fourth Crown that the suspects had been seen scootering erratically around Eckmann Mall in the early hours of the morning Sunday. The official crime report also states that Campus Safety officers witnessed one intoxicated student lose control of their scooter and run over a squirrel. 

Dean of Students JoNes VanHecke says that the arrests have come after a sharp increase in reckless scootering behavior around campus. “I was trying to walk to the administration building last week and a guy on a scooter almost took me out,” she said. “I don’t even think he was drunk, just really bad at steering.” VanHecke added that the Dean of Students office has fielded several complaints from victims of scooter accidents. “They’ve hit people, but they also walk through the Caf with their scooters and chop people in the ankle, which is a pain worse than death,” said sophomore Caitlyn Tucker. “Gustavus really isn’t that big, you can just walk to class like a normal person.”

Some proponents of Razor Scooters have argued that scootering is faster and more convenient than waiting for the Gus Bus, and safer than drunk driving. But Campus Safety says the risk is still there. “Just because you’re not in a car doesn’t mean you can’t cause some real damage,” said officer Heather Wilmes. “Students really should not be operating any machinery while under the influence of drugs or alcohol.” Wilmes also expressed concerns that students attempting to scooter down the Hill would crash and get seriously injured, especially at night.

Campus Safety reported that the offending students would lose custody of their scooter for two weeks and be faced with a Level 1 alcohol violation. But one of the perpetrators, who prefers to remain anonymous, says he doesn’t plan to obey. “A Razor Scooter is, like, $30 at WalMart,” he stated. “I’ll just go get another one.” Gusties, you have been warned.