ST. PETER, MN – What an amazing day to be alive, Gustavus! In a shocking turn of events for the semester, beloved Market Place staff member Ted Rosenback has announced his campaign for candidacy in the 2022 presidential elections for Gustavus Adolphus College.
When approached and asked for a statement by our Fourth Crown reporters, Ted so cheekily responded with “Wait, what? No I haven’t. We have an election?” Classic Ted. Uplifting and moralizing campaign posters have already been spotted around campus, sporting catchy slogans stating “Save Your Rosen-Bag with Decreased Charges from Sandy in the Caf! Vote Rosenback”
Sponsoring this campaign for candidacy is none other than dining service supervisor Kevin Birr. Reporters went to the dining service offices to hear his thoughts but were met with three secretaries, each claiming different whereabouts to the elusive supervisor.
“Ted has my vote!” professed devoted Ted Rosenback Fanclub member Eric Riggidson, who can often be found wearing a homemade brooch bearing Teds’ likeness. “Our God among men, Ted has promised to turn the president’s house into a seven-roomed sauna! Now that house will finally have some use, I mean, Becky doesn’t even live there! We all know she actually lives in the Administrative building, anyways.”
Be sure to follow news on The Fourth Crown as we follow the campaign trail and root for America’s favorite Caf worker! More to come.
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS