ST. PETER, MN – It is with a heavy heart that the Fourth Crown is forced to report that the long-beloved statue of Gustavus Adolphus has Gone Woke. That’s right – the […]

LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM – With Lizzie finally in a box, the coronation of King Charles III in the United Kingdom went off without a hitch last Saturday. That is, of course, unless […]

ST. PETER, MN– With graduation right around the corner for the class of 2023, many seniors are beginning to feel sentimental about their imminent departure from the hill. Feelings of sadness, excitement, […]

COLLEG AV – Alrighty, dickh ads. Frankly, I’v had nough of this shit for a lit ral lif tim. It’s almost graduation. Just one last month of this shitshow. AND SOM FUCKING […]

ST. PETER, MN – Only the oldest and wisest among us remember the pre-COVID glory days of Gustavus, the rumored “buffet line” in the caf, Nemo the campus cat, and yes, the […]

CARLSON ADMINISTRATION BUILDING – This week’s budget transparency panel hosted by President Bergman, Dean VanHecke and Provost Kelly left students with more questions than answers, despite the Provost’s comments assuring students that […]

ST. PETER, MN – This morning, Gustavus Administration made a shocking announcement: to account for the college’s current financial situation, every member of the faculty is now being forced to participate in […]

SAINT PETER, MN – Ever since the Linnaeus Deliberation Circle made the decision to remove the name of Carl Linnaeus from the Arboretum at Gustavus Adolphus College in 2021, the bust of […]

ST PETER, MN – April 22nd was the perfect day to swing by the local Shell gas station and pick up a gallon of free gasoline. When we spoke to Shell CEO […]

ST. PETER, MN – Gusties were overjoyed last week when celebratory bells sounded in Christ Chapel, proclaiming the victory of Ted from the Caf over the forces of the Bergman Regime. Ted’s […]