Buy a fun Christmas sweater. What an easy and fun way to stay warm and get into the holiday spirit. Cut open Gus the Lion and live inside his body. Cold? Why […]

ST PETER MN- The “Saturday is for the Boys” Federation of America released a statement yesterday saying that Becky “B-Swizzle” Bergman is the current front runner to win this spring’s annual beer-pong […]

SAINT PETER, MN— Last Friday at The Dive, Minneapolis based boy band Yam Haus gave one of the most memorable performances in Gustavus Adolphus College history. Their hour-long setlist filled with bops […]

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA— Well, the results are in and the finalists have been chosen for the uniforms for the next American Civil War. It was a tight race with heated opinions […]

SAINT PETER, MN- In a proactive email, the Gustavus administration informed the community of a bias incident that will undoubtedly occur late Tuesday or early Wednesday. The administration is unclear as to […]

ST PETER MN- We have been getting quite a few complaints from a Gustie named Felicia about how our articles are not, “aesthetically pleasing enough.” Since we all literally live under that […]

MOTHER RUSSIA— Привет, я русский бот, который контролирует вашу жизнь. Я взял ваш колледж, ваше правительство и ваше свободное время с моими глупыми статьями. Что вы можете с этим поделать? Вы могли […]

WASHINGTON, D.C.- Sources reported that opinionated billionaire Donald Trump dressed up as the President of the United States to celebrate Halloween. He wore a little U.S. flag button on his over-sized suit […]

Washington- In light of recent acts of mass violence witnessed across the nation,  President Trump has suggested that everyone should just go ahead and hire some personal armed guards. He was quoted […]

As the sun sets and the darkness rises, so do many male appendages. It’s the freakin weekend bitches! Which means one thing: time to get down and dirty. However, no matter how […]