SAINT PETER—With the largest drug seizure in Minnesota private college history, Gustavus Campus Safety chalked up a major victory in the college’s anti-drug initiative by confiscating $4.9 million worth of heroin, cocaine, […]
Nobel HoS Renovations Scheduled to be Completed in Time for them to be Obsolete
SAINT PETER- Professor of Chemistry Scott Bur, in conjunction with the architecture firm Hastings & Chivetta, has confirmed plans for a holistic renovation of the Nobel Hall of Science scheduled to be […]
Children’s Section in Library to be Eliminated and Replaced with President Ohle’s Complete Punk Music Catalog
SAINT PETER— Students and faculty are in an unsurprising uproar following the release of Gustavus President Jack Ohle’s proposed renovation plans to Folke Bernadotte Memorial Library. The proposed changes include removing the […]
Portal to the Multiverse Discovered in Basement of Administration Building
BREAKING– Sources have confirmed that a gateway to a reality beyond ours has been found between a cubicle and supply closet in the north side of the Administration basement. This news comes […]
First-Year Disappointed in Eckman Mall’s Lack of Forever 21; Food Court
SAINT PETER- First-year student Kelsey Rasmussen was overheard telling friends and family she was “just really confused” about the dearth of retail venues along Eckman Mall, the college’s 400 yard strip consisting […]
Rookie Campus Safety Officer Looking to Make Name for Himself
SAINT PETER—Since his hire in early Decemeber, rookie Campus Safety officer Vic Pascutti has set a Gustavus record eighty-three underage drinking busts. Pascutti, whom Director of Campus Safety Song Biermacher called a […]
The Fourth Crown 