1. THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS The Vikings have a rich history of repeatedly shooting themselves in the foot. Many analysts have observed that the franchise has become so adept at undermining their efforts, […]
SAINT PETER— Reports have confirmed that renowned cleaning product icon Mr. Clean came out of the closet on Thursday of last week. The clean-shaven, muscular brand figurehead, known for sporting one pierced […]
WASHINGTON, D.C.— Following the media frenzy regarding Ray Rice’s domestic abuse scandal, U.S. senators and representatives are hurriedly turning to elevator cameras to address their constituents, because apparently that’s what people pay […]
With Scots across the Highlands pouring in to vote today on whether or not Scotland should achieve independence from the UK, Americans have never felt so connected to a country they know […]
Apple, Inc. (AAPL) announced its new lineup of iPhones on Tuesday to a sold-out crowd in Cupertino, California. The Fourth Crown has everything you need to know about the new devices. In […]
MINNESOTA—Reflecting on this summer’s frustratingly brief hint of hot weather before the unexpected coming of the winter months, Minnesotans have assured the midwestern climate that this does, in fact, happen to a lot […]
WASHINGTON, DC—A Gallup Poll released Saturday afternoon has found that support for Tea Party midterm candidates is almost entirely dominated by the “4-year-old girl” demographic.The Tea Party’s firm hold of this swing […]
SAINT PETER, MN—A study conducted by the Gustavus Adolphus College Department of Mathematics & Computer Science has revealed that 42% of iPhones now own an undergraduate student. The study demonstrates that the […]
ATLANTA—A statement issued today by the ALS Association has confirmed the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge has raised the American public’s awareness that the letters “ALS” probably hold some sort of meaning. The challenge’s […]
Minnesota’s cultural and linguistic subtleties are often lost on those who hail from warmer lands with winning football teams. In particular, the line between “Minnesota Nice” and “Passive Aggressive” often appears blurred, […]
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