SAINT PETER— Conveying his utmost gratitude to the Creator for resurrecting his son Jesus Christ, student Damian Jackson revealed today that he plans to spend the entire Easter Break binge-watching “House, M.D.,” […]
SAINT PETER- In an unexpected display of impressive athleticism, the Men’s Track & Field Team won the Relay for Life event held in Lund Center on Friday night. The event, which was […]
MINNEAPOLIS— Facing increasing pressure to respond to reports of dangerous airspace, FAA officials enacted a strict no-fly zone over the Gustavus campus due to the sudden blinding display of pale Minnesota flesh. […]
BREAKING—Following Spring Break, insider sources have confirmed that student Tiffany Michaels enjoyed her week off from school and had a “really nice break.” Across campus Michaels’ friends and professors are reporting that […]
With spring break fast approaching, students are eagerly anticipating a week away from classes and cold weather. Here are The Fourth Crown’s tips to ensure a worthwhile and relaxing week off. Self […]
FORT LAUDERDALE—In a press conference held Tuesday morning, NASA officials have announced the discovery of liquid water on the surface of the region commonly referred to as Minnesota. The discovery has come […]
SAINT PETER, MN—Looking to avoid admitting subpar students due to their bland and nondescript applications, the Gustavus Department of Admission has added a “special talents” portion to the application process. The Admission […]
SAINT PETER—First-year Austin Zollner shocked campus and southern Minnesota alike with his astonishingly rapid consumption of Taco John’s famous “Six Pack and a Pound” meal. The accomplishment was finished in only eight […]
SAINT PETER— Saying that now is the ideal time for the ambitious project to begin, college officials announced this morning that construction will begin in the coming weeks to raise the campus […]
SAINT PETER—Amongst the flurry of activity on campus during the week, students checking their inboxes late Wednesday afternoon were relatively unsurprised to find a survey asking their feelings towards campus surveys. The […]
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