SAINT PETER, MN- May is the best time of the year to get outside, set up a hammock, and relax. This is exactly what first-year student, Cindy Vesper, did approximately two weeks […]
Hammock Envelops Student, Acquires Taste for Human Flesh
WOW! You Won’t Believe This Hot Summer Weight Loss Tip! It’s Leprosy.
It’s the infectious new health craze that’s sweeping the nation: leprosy is helping beach goers shed pounds quickly, and keep them off. Senior Biology Major Alan Hershowitz lauded the health benefits of […]
Health Services to Offer Complimentary Medically-Induced Comas for Finals Week
SAINT PETER, MN — Happy (almost) finals week, Gusties! With all of our assignments, papers, projects, and exams coming up, we here at The Fourth Crown know that it gets to be […]
Gustavus Eliminates Chinese Program as Part of Trade War on China
St. Peter, MN- With the elimination of the Chinese Language program at Gustavus Adolphus the Trump administration has landed on new blow in the trade war against China. Insiders in the White […]
Senior Art Show Just a Bunch of Nudes
SAINT PETER, MN- Every spring, many departments host senior showcases where students share the results of their capstone/thesis/experiment. Even senior studio art majors finally get the attention they always seem to demand […]
Fourth Crown Review- Marvel’s the Avengers: Infinity War
SAINT PETER, MN- It’s been ten years since the beginning of the Marvel Cinematic Universe b release of Iron Man in 2008. Since the creation of Marvel Studios, there have been many […]
Head Track Coach Humanely Slaughters Hurdler After Broken Leg
SAINT PETER, MN — Gustavus Track and Field has been in full swing in their outdoor season. This past Saturday, Gustavus hosted the Drake Alternative Relays, which featured some great performances for […]
Sohre to be Renamed ‘The Heartbreak Hotel’
PETER MN- Room Draw came around and has left us again for another year, only to have left quite a few residents of Gustavus Adolphus College not happy with their room draw […]
PA’s Accidentally Give out Real Pot Brownies
SAINT PETER, MN- The Gustavus Peer Assistants have been placed under disciplinary censure after allegedly distributing actual pot brownies instead of regular and clean brownies. Senior PA, Gina Sausage explained: “Every year […]
Student’s Grandma Passes Away for Third Time This Semester
SAINT PETER, MN- For freshman student Hunter McNeil, tragedy has struck once again. Not for the first, nor the second, but for the THIRD time this semester, his grandma passed away. We […]
