OPINION PIECE, SAINT PETER, MN— There is a wolf in a sheep’s clothing lurking around campus. The phrase “a wolf in sheep’s clothing” does not refer to a wolf that raided the […]
Finalist for Provost Position is Just Count Olaf in Disguise
DIII Athletes Pissed About Blizzard As If It Matters
SAINT PETER, MN– After two days straight of heavy blizzard conditions in mid-April, Division III athletes are absolutely livid about how the weather is affecting their seasons. “We have hardly been […]
Trump Wants to Put Tariffs on Vibranium
WASHINGTON D.C.- The biggest takeaway from a press conference held last week was President Trump stated that he plans to put steep tariffs on Vibranium entering the United States. “I have some […]
CFs On Duty Sport New Fanny Packs, Incite Soccer Moms
ST PETER MN- “The CF on Duty was exactly one minute and 43 seconds faster in response time than when I called them last week,” says first-year CHOICE student Hope Charity “and […]
Man Realizes His Life Doesn’t Pass the Bechdel Test
SAINT PETER,MN- Tim Scottsmore had a sudden epiphany this past Monday; his life doesn’t pass the Bechdel Test. The Bechdel test is a simple test of fictional media which names the following three […]
Student Vows Celibacy Until the Completion of Nobel Hall Renovation
SAINT PETER,MN- Sophomore Snick Minnows posted the following statement to the Overheard at Gustavus Facebook page last night. He is now claiming an abstinence from sexual activity until the eagerly awaited completion […]
Campus Buildings Ranked By Sexiness
SAINT PETER, MN- Can you really rank works of architecture that reflect different purposes, time periods, and personalities? Yes. If you’ve ever wondered what the sexiest buildings on campus are, we’ve done […]
10 Ways to Make the Construction Zone Work for You
1-Blame the Fence for Every Late Arrival: What is more annoying than having to create a new excuse for every time you’re late for something. This fence is a blessing in disguise […]
Gus the Mascot Looking for New Human Host
SAINT PETER, MN — Gus the Lion is currently searching for a new human host. He has posted on Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, and EVERY POSTERBOARD IN CAMPUS CENTER. An ideal host […]
Bose Soundlink Mini Bluetooth II Pearl Speakers Selected as Commencement Speaker
The commencement day speaker selection committee announced earlier this morning that Bose Soundlink Mini Bluetooth II Pearl Speakers will represent the class of 2018. Committee head, NononNsense Van Iwannabebecky explained: “We selected […]
