UPDATE, 9-6-14: In the wake of Gustavus’ sweeping defeat of Crown College, this year has indeed been confirmed as the year for Gustavus football, probably. SAINT PETER—Wild speculation continues this week following […]
Next Year Might Actually Be The Year For Gustavus Football, I Think
Jussi Björling Named BET’s “Entertainer of the Year”
LOS ANGELES- At the Black Entertainment Television network’s annual BET Hip Hop Awards, Swedish tenor Jussi Björling was posthumously named the network’s “Entertainer of the Year,” narrowly beating out perennial frontrunners Beyonce, Drake, […]
Gustie Greeter Forgets Rouser, Excommunicated
SAINT PETER—Ex-Gustie Greeter Christine Johnston finally spoke out about the controversy surrounding her excommunication from the Greeters for forgetting the words to the Gustie Rouser. “I don’t know what happened,” Johnston says, […]
First-Year Pre-Med Student Undeterred by C- Grade in Principles of Biology
SAINT PETER- First-year student Meghan Christiansen has announced to friends and families that she is entirely unfazed by a subpar grade in her first collegiate biology course, claiming she can “still totally […]
Student Body Discovers School Has Nordic Ski Team
SAINT PETER—For the first time since becoming an official sport on campus, Gustavus’ Nordic Skiing team is finally being discovered by the Gustavus student body, most of which were unaware that Nordic […]
Study: Deb Actually Third Strictest Caf Lady
MINNEAPOLIS—An independent research commission has released the results of a new in-depth study that indicates that Deb is only the third strictest cashier in Dining Service. Mandy O’Rourke, a research consultant from […]
G-Choir Senior Doesn’t Cry after CinCC
SAINT PETER—After evading reporters for over two months, senior Gustavus Choir member Ashley Werth finally spoke about not crying after her last Christmas in Christ Chapel. “It’s true, I didn’t cry,” Werth […]
Tour Guide Lies about Party Culture
SAINT PETER—On one of the biggest Admission events of the year, sophomore tour guide Laura McKinley downplayed to a prospective student and her parents the nature of party culture at Gustavus. McKinley […]
Gustavus Named “Cystic Fibrosis Gold Medal Facility;” Attributed to Ambiguity of Collegiate Fellow Position
SAINT PETER- In a formal banquet celebrating the close of the North American Cystic Fibrosis Conference (NACFC) last Friday, Gustavus Adolphus College was awarded the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation’s highest honor: a Gold […]
Gustie Watches Fight Club, Life Is “Changed”
SAINT PETER—In what he is now calling a “life-changing event,” William Fisk’s first viewing of the 1999 David Fincher film Fight Club has left quite the impression on the first-year who had […]
