The Fourth Crown

Make Your News Count.

Friday, February 26th, 2021

Menu

  • HOME
  • CAMPUS NEWS
  • OFF THE HILL
  • LIFE & STYLE
  • SPORTS
  • FEATURES
  • NEWS TEAM
  • JOIN US.

Lund Renovation Still Happening

By fourthcrown on March 18, 2020

Opinion: “Fuck”

By fourthcrown on March 17, 2020

Tinder Hookup Becomes Latest Cancellation Due to Coronavirus

By fourthcrown on March 13, 2020

Lund Renovation to Hopefully Include Some Damn Febreze

By fourthcrown on March 5, 2020

Henati Club Inaugural Meeting This Friday Night

By fourthcrown on March 4, 2020

Gordon Ramsay Rates Caf Food

By fourthcrown on February 28, 2020

INFOGRAPHIC: The Fourth Crown’s Tips for Beating Seasonal Affective Disorder

By fourthcrown on February 10, 2014

The extended cold spells and short daylight hours of the Minnesota winter can trigger seasonal depression among already stressed out students. Here are The Fourth Crown’s tips for avoiding this mood disorder: […]

Gustavus Endowment Hits $150 Million Mark, $149 Million Celebration in Works

By fourthcrown on January 31, 2014

SAINT PETER- After years of record-breaking fundraising under the leadership of President Jack R. Ohle, the college has announced the institution’s endowment has hit the $150,000,000 milestone. “This is a big step […]

Emerging Douchebag Scores Big at Poster Sale

By fourthcrown on January 30, 2014

SAINT PETER—With a Bob Marley poster in hand, Sean Joseph came away the biggest winner of the biannual campus-wide poster sale. Joseph spent a total of $80 worth of merchandise, proving that […]

PSA: BedLoft Year-End Pickup Date now February 10, 2014

By fourthcrown on January 29, 2014

BREAKING—BedLoft announced this afternoon that lofts, futons, and refrigerators rented from the popular dorm-furnishing service would be scheduled for pickup on Monday, February 10th, 2014. BedLoft Public Relations Manager Jessica Rothberg commented […]

Gustavus Greens Classified as “Gang (Pressing Threat)” by FBI

By fourthcrown on January 24, 2014

WASHINGTON, D.C.- In a dossier released earlier this morning, the Gustavus Greens, a campus group dedicated to “promoting environmental sustainability and awareness,” has been categorized as a Gang (Pressing Threat) by the […]

FLASHBACK: The Dive, Past and Present

By fourthcrown on January 23, 2014

In the interest of preserving and celebrating our illustrious history of over 150 years, The Fourth Crown presents the second of a 2,928,608 part series, FLASHBACK, chronicling the most important events in […]

Next Year Might Actually Be The Year For Gustavus Football, I Think

By fourthcrown on January 23, 2014

UPDATE, 9-6-14: In the wake of Gustavus’ sweeping defeat of Crown College, this year has indeed been confirmed as the year for Gustavus football, probably. SAINT PETER—Wild speculation continues this week following […]

Jussi Björling Named BET’s “Entertainer of the Year”

By fourthcrown on January 22, 2014

LOS ANGELES- At the Black Entertainment Television network’s annual BET Hip Hop Awards, Swedish tenor Jussi Björling was posthumously named the network’s “Entertainer of the Year,” narrowly beating out perennial frontrunners Beyonce, Drake, […]

Gustie Greeter Forgets Rouser, Excommunicated

By fourthcrown on January 22, 2014

SAINT PETER—Ex-Gustie Greeter Christine Johnston finally spoke out about the controversy surrounding her excommunication from the Greeters for forgetting the words to the Gustie Rouser. “I don’t know what happened,” Johnston says, […]

First-Year Pre-Med Student Undeterred by C- Grade in Principles of Biology

By fourthcrown on January 22, 2014

SAINT PETER- First-year student Meghan Christiansen has announced to friends and families that she is entirely unfazed by a subpar grade in her first collegiate biology course, claiming she can “still totally […]

Posts navigation

‹ Newer 1 … 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 Older ›

Like Us on Facebook.

Like Us on Facebook.

Popular on The Fourth Crown

  • St. Olaf College Recognized as Worst Academic Institution in Northfield, MN
    St. Olaf College Recognized as Worst Academic Institution in Northfield, MN
  • FLASHBACK:  The Dive, Past and Present
    FLASHBACK: The Dive, Past and Present
  • Slideshow: We Can’t Tell if These 8 Pictures Are of Politicians or Seasonal Fall Gourds
    Slideshow: We Can’t Tell if These 8 Pictures Are of Politicians or Seasonal Fall Gourds

Looking for more quality news?

Check out 'The Madison Misnomer,' UW-Madison's premiere source of collegiate, regional, and national news. www.themadisonmisnomer.com www.facebook.com/TheMadisonMisnomer

#MakeYourNewsCount

My Tweets

  • 632,319 hits.

Top Posts

  • St. Olaf College Recognized as Worst Academic Institution in Northfield, MN
  • FLASHBACK: The Dive, Past and Present
  • Slideshow: We Can’t Tell if These 8 Pictures Are of Politicians or Seasonal Fall Gourds

Categories

  • ARCHIVE (1)
  • CAMPUS NEWS (505)
  • COMMENTARY (9)
  • FEATURED SERIES (20)
  • LIFE & STYLE (28)
  • OFF THE HILL (96)
  • ORIENTATION (11)
  • SPORTS (19)

Welcome to The Fourth Crown.

The content of this site is satirical in nature and in no way reflects the views of Gustavus Adolphus College or its faculty, students, or administrators. The Fourth Crown is not intended for readers under the age of 18.
  • Top categories: CAMPUS NEWS Gustavus
Blog at WordPress.com. |
Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
Cancel

 
Loading Comments...
Comment
    ×