Whether it’s curing cancer with the docs at Mayo Clinic, or working with cognitively challenged children at a lakeside summer camp, the summers of your college years are your time to take […]
6 Things to Say Instead of “I Spent the Summer Unemployed with my Parents”
ALS Ice Bucket Challenge Raises Awareness that the Letters “ALS” Probably Mean Something
ATLANTA—A statement issued today by the ALS Association has confirmed the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge has raised the American public’s awareness that the letters “ALS” probably hold some sort of meaning. The challenge’s […]
10 Differences Between “Minnesota Nice” and “Passive Aggression”
Minnesota’s cultural and linguistic subtleties are often lost on those who hail from warmer lands with winning football teams. In particular, the line between “Minnesota Nice” and “Passive Aggressive” often appears blurred, […]
United States Celebrates Staying Out of Iraq For Three Whole Years
WASHINGTON, D.C—Over 200 federal and military officials attended a gala at the Kennedy Center in Washington, D.C. this past weekend to celebrate staying out of Iraq for three whole years. The lengthy […]
St. Olaf College Recognized as Worst Academic Institution in Northfield, MN
NORTHFIELD, MN—The recent release of the 2014 US News & World Report’s institutional rankings has recognized St. Olaf College as the overall worst college in Northfield, MN for the 140th consecutive year. The ranking […]
Americans Can Finally Stop Pretending They Care About Soccer
THE UNITED STATES- Following the loss of the United States men’s national team to Belgium in Tuesday’s FIFA match, sports enthusiasts across the country have celebrated the fact that they can finally […]
Panicked Joe Biden Overheard Asking Parents for $60 Following SCOTUS Ruling
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Following Monday’s Supreme Court ruling in Burwell v. Hobby Lobby, Vice President Joe Biden was overheard by neighbors asking his parents for $60 “just this one time.” The reports follow the […]
U.S. Corporations Realize True Power of Christ
WASHINGTON, D.C.– New studies released this week reveal that corporations across the United States have undergone spiritual enlightenment and declared their true allegiance to Christ our Lord. These research findings indicate Christ’s […]
Obama Coordinates Silent Auction Potluck for Guantanamo Detainees
WASHINGTON—Nearly a month after the return of Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl from the Taliban in exchange for five Guantanamo Bay detainees, President Barack Obama has issued dozens of diplomatic invitations for the First Annual […]
Governor Dayton Declares Flooded Minnesota Still Better Than Regular Iowa
ST. PAUL- Shortly following the issuance of a state of flood emergency over 35 counties in Minnesota, Governor Mark Dayton held a press conference in which he announced that a flooded Minnesota […]
The Fourth Crown 