SAINT PETER—Under the belief that he was leaving for Christmas break, junior Physics major Leo Abernathy left Olin Hall for the first time since September 3, the first day of classes of […]
Physics Major Leaves Olin
Gustavus Begins $14M Project to Raise Hill by 10 Feet; Take New Record
SAINT PETER— Saying that now is the ideal time for the ambitious project to begin, college officials announced this morning that construction will begin in the coming weeks to raise the campus […]
Students Sent Survey Asking Feelings Towards Surveys
SAINT PETER—Amongst the flurry of activity on campus during the week, students checking their inboxes late Wednesday afternoon were relatively unsurprised to find a survey asking their feelings towards campus surveys. The […]
President’s Ball Schedule
President’s Ball is coming up this Saturday, March 15th at the Verizon Wireless Center in Mankato. Make the most of your night by getting all of the event details from The Fourth […]
Chaplain Siri Admits To Being Apple Developed Artificial Intelligence
SAINT PETER— Well into her eighth month as Chaplain of the College, Siri Erickson announced today that she is actually just a physical manifestation of Apple’s artificial intelligence software. With the announcement […]
Dive Renovations to Include Permanently Walling Off the Dive
SAINT PETER—Following the passing of the Student Senate proposal to revisit Dive renovations, a new master plan of the renovations has been released. Minneapolis-based architectural firm Habus & Corpis, Inc., in conjunction […]
‘Gustie Couples’ By the Numbers
BY THE NUMBERS: 60%: Pre-Gustie Couples rate of singlehood among Gusties. 0.03%: Current rate of singlehood among Gusties. 3: Number of pornographic videos streamed since Gustie Couples went live; a 99% decrease. 11: Number of times […]
Grouchy Troll Hired to Guard Walkway Between Student Union and Library
SAINT PETER- Amidst the excitement of hiring the next president of Gustavus, an important new addition to the Department of Campus Safety has gone largely unnoticed by the student body. Kurg, a […]
Spanish Program To Be Replaced With Klingon Studies
SAINT PETER—The Spanish Department is in disarray following the announcement by Theresa Gonzalez, Director for Cultural Education, that the school’s Spanish program will be replaced by a new curriculum of Klingon. Klingon […]
Feud Erupts Between Bridge Building Club and Building Bridges
BREAKING—Tensions are running high following an open letter to the Building Bridges committee from Gustavus’ very own bridge building club, the Sawdustin’ Gusties. The carpentry club, which mainly focuses on building elevated […]
The Fourth Crown 