SAINT PETER- In keeping with the organization’s efforts to fight the early stages of alcoholism which are often initiated in collegiate settings, Alcoholics Anonymous has relocated their regional headquarters to the back […]
Alcoholics Anonymous Regional Headquarters Established in Back of Gus Bus
Matt Timmons Declares “I am the Senate;” Consolidates Wartime Powers
SAINT PETER- In an unprecedented show of executive power, Student Senate Co-President Matthew Timmons has indefinitely expanded the abilities of his office by suspending the writ of habeas corpus and by modifying […]
Fraternity Adopts Child Instead of Highway Due to Paperwork Mistake
SAINT PETER—In an attempt to boost their philanthropic efforts in the community, Gustavus fraternity Eta Xi Omega has accidentally adopted a three-month-old from Vietnam while attempting to adopt a section of Minnesota […]
INFOGRAPHIC: The Fourth Crown’s Tips for Beating Seasonal Affective Disorder
The extended cold spells and short daylight hours of the Minnesota winter can trigger seasonal depression among already stressed out students. Here are The Fourth Crown’s tips for avoiding this mood disorder: […]
Gustavus Endowment Hits $150 Million Mark, $149 Million Celebration in Works
SAINT PETER- After years of record-breaking fundraising under the leadership of President Jack R. Ohle, the college has announced the institution’s endowment has hit the $150,000,000 milestone. “This is a big step […]
Emerging Douchebag Scores Big at Poster Sale
SAINT PETER—With a Bob Marley poster in hand, Sean Joseph came away the biggest winner of the biannual campus-wide poster sale. Joseph spent a total of $80 worth of merchandise, proving that […]
PSA: BedLoft Year-End Pickup Date now February 10, 2014
BREAKING—BedLoft announced this afternoon that lofts, futons, and refrigerators rented from the popular dorm-furnishing service would be scheduled for pickup on Monday, February 10th, 2014. BedLoft Public Relations Manager Jessica Rothberg commented […]
Gustavus Greens Classified as “Gang (Pressing Threat)” by FBI
WASHINGTON, D.C.- In a dossier released earlier this morning, the Gustavus Greens, a campus group dedicated to “promoting environmental sustainability and awareness,” has been categorized as a Gang (Pressing Threat) by the […]
FLASHBACK: The Dive, Past and Present
In the interest of preserving and celebrating our illustrious history of over 150 years, The Fourth Crown presents the second of a 2,928,608 part series, FLASHBACK, chronicling the most important events in […]
Next Year Might Actually Be The Year For Gustavus Football, I Think
UPDATE, 9-6-14: In the wake of Gustavus’ sweeping defeat of Crown College, this year has indeed been confirmed as the year for Gustavus football, probably. SAINT PETER—Wild speculation continues this week following […]
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