SAINT PETER- Professor of Chemistry Scott Bur, in conjunction with the architecture firm Hastings & Chivetta, has confirmed plans for a holistic renovation of the Nobel Hall of Science scheduled to be […]
Nobel HoS Renovations Scheduled to be Completed in Time for them to be Obsolete
Children’s Section in Library to be Eliminated and Replaced with President Ohle’s Complete Punk Music Catalog
SAINT PETER— Students and faculty are in an unsurprising uproar following the release of Gustavus President Jack Ohle’s proposed renovation plans to Folke Bernadotte Memorial Library. The proposed changes include removing the […]
Portal to the Multiverse Discovered in Basement of Administration Building
BREAKING– Sources have confirmed that a gateway to a reality beyond ours has been found between a cubicle and supply closet in the north side of the Administration basement. This news comes […]
First-Year Disappointed in Eckman Mall’s Lack of Forever 21; Food Court
SAINT PETER- First-year student Kelsey Rasmussen was overheard telling friends and family she was “just really confused” about the dearth of retail venues along Eckman Mall, the college’s 400 yard strip consisting […]
Women’s Volleyball’s Gustav II Adolf of Sweden ‘15 Crowned MIAC Athlete of the Week
CASTLE TRE KRONOR, SWEDEN- In a historic move, the Minnesota Interscholastic Athletic Conference has named Junior Women’s Volleyball player Gustav II Adolf, King of Sweden, their Athlete of the Week. Citing “the […]
Rookie Campus Safety Officer Looking to Make Name for Himself
SAINT PETER—Since his hire in early Decemeber, rookie Campus Safety officer Vic Pascutti has set a Gustavus record eighty-three underage drinking busts. Pascutti, whom Director of Campus Safety Song Biermacher called a […]
IM Basketball Standout Won’t Stop Talking About High School
SAINT PETER—After scoring 34 points and grabbing 15 rebounds in only his second career intramural basketball game, first-year Zach Lewis is gaining the reputation of being one of the league’s most […]
Confused Board of Trustees Irrevocably Repeals Indoor Smoking Ban
SAINT PETER – After a wave of student advocacy for an all-campus smoking ban, a confused Board of Trustees briefly discussed and passed an irrevocable measure that immediately dissolves the standing indoor […]
The Fourth Crown 