The Fourth Crown

Make Your News Count.

Thursday, February 9th, 2023

Menu

  • HOME
  • CAMPUS NEWS
  • OFF THE HILL
  • LIFE & STYLE
  • SPORTS
  • FEATURES
  • NEWS TEAM
  • JOIN US.

GAC Cafeteria Goes Sex-Positive

By fourthcrown on December 15, 2022

Disastrous Sewing Club Incident Leaves Tennis Team In Search of New Practice Facility

By fourthcrown on December 13, 2022

St. Peter MGM Announces 5 Final ‘Cheat Sheets’ in Vodka Bottles

By fourthcrown on December 12, 2022

A Christmas Miracle: Jesus Christ Himself Returns to Finish the Library Roof Construction

By fourthcrown on December 7, 2022

Ferris Wheel to be Added to Campus: “What The Fuck?”

By fourthcrown on November 21, 2022

PAs Stop Giving Out Condoms: “No One Has Sex On Campus Anyway”

By fourthcrown on November 18, 2022

The Dark Truth Behind Gus the Lion and his Handlers

By fourthcrown on February 23, 2022

ST. PETER, MN — For decades, Gusties around campus have been witness to the strange creature we all know and “love;” Gus the Lion. When released, the feline mascot can often be […]

How to Apply for a Scholarship When You’re Painfully Mediocre

By fourthcrown on February 22, 2022

ST. PETER, MN – The time is upon us, Gusties, when every other email is an “exciting scholarship opportunity” sent to you by a professor whom you’re not absolutely certain exists outside […]

All of Campus Now Prairie in Progress As Grounds-keeping Staff Vacation

By fourthcrown on February 21, 2022

ST. PETER, MN — Gusties wandering the Gustavus campus during the past few weeks may have noticed that the areas designated “Prairie in Progress” have dramatically expanded. This vegetative change has come […]

Campus Safety Reports Quirked up White Boy Seen Busting it Down Sexual Style

By fourthcrown on February 18, 2022

ST. PETER, MN — Campus tensions are at an all-time high this week as Campus Safety officers have come out with a shocking statement: a quirked up white boy with a little […]

Pres. Bergman Deploys ROTC Students Following Arbor View Independence Vote

By fourthcrown on February 17, 2022

ST. PETER, MN —  In a landmark vote held earlier this week, Arbor View CFs have elected to declare independence from Gustavus. In doing so, the two Arbor View buildings have become […]

Opinion: STOP SENDING US FUCKING EMAILS

By fourthcrown on February 16, 2022

ST. PETER, MN — Alright. You want us to say it? Need to see our screaming thoughts printed out in a headline? Well here it is, readers. The Fourth Crown collectively has […]

Nordic Ski Team Wins Tournament, Alerts Campus to its Presence

By fourthcrown on February 15, 2022

ST. PETER, MN — Gustavus is a world-renowned institution not only for academics but also for top-notch athletics.  Home to a myriad of varsity sports, Gustavus has long supported and provided for […]

Report: 100 Hour Challenge Not Enough to Save Your Liver

By fourthcrown on February 14, 2022

ST. PETER, MN – After another year of perpetual intoxication, Gusties celebrated the 100 Hour Challenge last weekend. Each year, Gustavus students pretend they are not alcoholics by pledging to refrain from […]

5 Tips for Cultivating a Sexy Atmosphere so your Hookup Forgets You’re in a Dorm Room

By fourthcrown on February 11, 2022

ST. PETER, MN – College is a time for romantic experimentation and exploration, with students across campus taking advantage of the accessible community of young single people. However, we can all admit […]

Fourth Crown Tutorials: How To Blend In At Your Super Bowl Party

By fourthcrown on February 10, 2022

ST. PETER, MN – Football can be a bit tricky to talk about, especially if you only pretend to care about it once a year. But whether you’ll be spending Super Bowl […]

Posts navigation

‹ Newer 1 … 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 … 75 Older ›

Follow Us:

  • Follow Us On Instagram
  • Twitter
  • Facebook

Popular on The Fourth Crown

  • Gus the Lion Resigns After Being Outed as a Furry
    Gus the Lion Resigns After Being Outed as a Furry

#MakeYourNewsCount

My Tweets
About damn time. Link in bio for full story. Truly deflating news. Link in bio for full story. Better "study" hard Gusties. Link in bio for full story. Our Savior. Link in bio for full story. Coming to a Lund Center near you! Link in bio for full story. Certainly not a wet campus. Link in bio for full story. Verified ✅. Link in bio for full story. Members of the swim team beware. Link in bio for full story. Mega dorm. Link in bio for full story.

Top Posts

  • Gus the Lion Resigns After Being Outed as a Furry
  • Gus The Lion Dyes Mane After Quarter-Life Crisis
  • Disastrous Sewing Club Incident Leaves Tennis Team In Search of New Practice Facility

Welcome to The Fourth Crown.

The content of this site is satirical in nature and in no way reflects the views of Gustavus Adolphus College or its faculty, students, or administrators. The Fourth Crown is not intended for readers under the age of 18.

Contact Us.

Send your news tips, questions or comments to submissions@thefourthcrown.com. 

 

  • Top categories: CAMPUS NEWS Gustavus
Blog at WordPress.com. |
  • Follow Following
    • The Fourth Crown
    • Join 121 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • The Fourth Crown
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...