SAINT PETER, MINNESOTA- It seems like dreams really do come true! Instead of the dated Take Your Professor to Lunch bullshit, Gustavus students are finally able to introduce their favorite professors to […]
Take Your Professor to the Flame Program Begins
Res-Life Excited to Replace Prairie View With Newer FEMA Shelter
ST PETER MN- The GAC Residential life office is excited to announce the revitalization of Choice dorm, and long time storehouse for academic integrity, Prairie View hall following subsequent anonymous donations. Construction […]
Record Breaking Tray Luge Ends in Death on 169
Tragedy struck the hill last night when a record breaking tray luge resulted in death on 169. First-year Sid Brannom made history by traying from Old Main all the way down to […]
D&D Enthusiast Rolls a 1 on His Finals Results
Peter Sanders (pictured to the left with his awesome Mennonite beard) at the D&D game that changed his life. Tommy Lindquist (pictured to the far right) is also present, for some reason. […]
CAB Refuses to Hire Actual Talent for the Big Concert Until Someone Comes to One of their Events
ST PETER, MN- As usual, CAB hasn’t hired anyone good, or even picked great nominees for the semi-annual “Big Concert” this year. Every student on campus has been groaning and moaning at […]
Doped-Up Russian Athlete Accidentally Does Triple Corkscrew 1260 Flip During Curling Match
PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA- The Olympics are often full of shocking scandals: finding out that Lindsey Vonn put tiny rocket propellers on her skis, or that Shaun White is actually just two chimpanzees […]
Campus Fight Club Conflicted about Whether to Table at the Involvement Fair
The Spring Involvement Fair may be one club short this year as the Campus Fight Club has been unable to come to a consensus about if they should have a table at […]
Man Whips It Out After First Date. Unfortunately, “It,” Was A Cribbage Board
St. PETER, MN — Friday night, Junior Honors Music major Jessica Bernstein went out with Senior Computer Science major Nigel Torres. They had a delicious supper at Panera Bread and went to […]
Botany Club and the Caf Join Forces for All New “Weed Brownie Wednesday”
SAINT PETER, MN- Students and faculty alike reacted with unprecedented joy upon hearing the news of an all new savory food item coming to the caf. This new “not proven to be […]
First-Year Student Mistakenly Makes Sleeping Potion at “Potions and Crafts Night” and Turns Into A Sleep-Walking Zombie
St. PETER MN- Recently, ResLife and CAB sponsored a “Potions and Crafts Night,” where budding, not-so-young wizards and witches who never received their Hogwarts letters could fulfill their dreams by constructing their […]
