SLUT PETER, MN– CAB’s big spring concert was a roaring success this year. Somehow, NLE Choppa found himself on our hill, decided not to leave, and slutted himself out with vigor to our sold-out ice rink. Many students made wonderful memories, feel more connected to our campus than ever, and can’t wait to fill out a Qualtrics survey to say just that.

Continuing their reign of glory, CAB has pulled off yet another impressive accomplishment this week by officially posting about NLE Choppa on Instagram more than any literally any other account on that godforsaken app, including NLE Choppa’s official page. Yesterday at 1:15 am, all of the NLE Choppa related announcements, giveaways, countdowns, trivia, promos, thirst traps, hype reels, meet-and-greet contests, meet-and-greet announcements, building montages, advice, photos of the concert, videos of the concert, edits of the concert, and throwback concert posts all added up and surpassed the amount of NLE Choppa content on any other Instagram page, including NLE Choppa’s official page. 

Upon hearing this, Clara Steverson, head of NLE Choppa’s social media responded, “We post about this guy every day, how did you make more posts about him than us? I don’t even know what to do here, I haven’t had this job for that long. Am I supposed to sue or something? Are you allowed to have more photos of him than us? It just feels wrong.” CAB opted not to officially respond to NLE’s social media team but was heard mumbling, “Sorry we know how to properly appreciate such a talented and handsome young man,” while reading through emails begging them to stop posting about NLE Choppa.

Overall, thank you, CAB. We all truly appreciate the hard work you do to pull off events like this. However, holy shit. You need to cool it with the NLE Choppa posts. He performed for less than an hour, how did you even get that many photos? 

More updates to follow.