ST. PETER, MN. – When looking at the Gustavus campus in recent years, one can see the numerous renovations that have been done to create the iconic campus we have today. From […]
Ferris Wheel to be Added to Campus: “What The Fuck?”
PAs Stop Giving Out Condoms: “No One Has Sex On Campus Anyway”
ST. PETER, MN – The Gustavus Peer Assistants, notable for their questionable riddles and burning their smiles into your brain via Once Upon A Potty while you’re trying to pee, have announced […]
Fourth Crown Verification is Here for Only $40 a Month!
ST. PETER, MN. – Good news, Gusties! With a small fee of $40 per month, you can now become Fourth Crown verified! This new feature includes priority access to our most popular […]
Classics Office Declares “We Will be Throwing 7 Virgins into a Volcano”
ST. PETER, MN – With registration for spring classes underway, many students are making their class schedule plans, including 17 backup classes for when the ones they need inevitably fill up before […]
Pittman and Sohre Dorms Merge to Create “Pitt-Sohr”, Discomfort Reported
ST. PETER, MN.– It’s November on the hill and students are beginning to feel a sense of dread and preemptive frustration as the housing process creeps closer. This year, adding to […]
Bergman Re-Elected President in Suspicious Circumstances
ST. PETER, MN – With the 2022 election season over, 17th President of Gustavus Adolphus College Rebecca M. Bergman won a second term in the role. Bergman has become the second President […]
MyGustavus Registration Replaced by Cuneiform Tablets
ST. PETER, MN – In a blow to students’ sanity, the Office of the Registrar announced Monday morning that class registration on MyGustavus would be discontinued. Instead, registration for Spring 2023 classes […]
TREND ALERT: Karmic Castration
ST. PETER, MN – If there’s one thing old white men have in abundance– it’s the audacity. Or in other words, they’re dicks. And many Gustavus professors are no exception to this […]
Fun Quiz: Which Gustavus Gas Leak are You?
ST. PETER, MN.– Gusties, it’s the second month of the 2022 fall semester and GAC is welcoming students back the only way it knows how– several dangerous and prolonged gas leaks! While […]
Politicians Unsure What to Do After Days of Rain Leaves Gustavus’ Political Positions Unknown
ST. PETER, MN– Politics are always a polarizing and difficult matter to discuss. They often divide the masses, as people wholeheartedly align themselves with an ideology that comes to define their very […]
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