This morning at 8:52 AM, a shocking discovery was made in the 3rd floor men’s restroom. A hole was carved into the wall that separates the mens restroom to the womens. “I have no clue how it got there,” says junior physics major Rob Shapiro, “I just went to the bathroom to wizz after my astronomy class, as per usual, and there was just this huge fucking hole in the wall.”
The hole is 5 inches in diameter, which means someone is overcompensating, or the perpetrator punched the hole into existence. It should be noted that there is an 8 inch gap between the walls, so the average male penis should NOT be able to reach the other side. Graffiti has been sprayed around the hole, with some notable phrases being “TUNNEL OF LOVE” and “ENTER THE RABBIT HOLE”, which really isn’t even that sexy.
We were able to catch sophomore Rachel Maskie for a statement as she was coming out of the women’s restroom. “I was honestly surprised to see that those are actually a thing.” she states, checking her watch to see how much time she had before her next class, even though it was chapel break. “I mean, I’ve seen it in russian porn or something, but the actual act of using a glory hole is kind of disgusting when you think about it.” Regardless of how someone regards the use of a glory hole, it is known that the construction workers who are currently working on Nobel are pissed to have another thing to do.
Categories: CAMPUS NEWS