1-Blame the Fence for Every Late Arrival: What is more annoying than having to create a new excuse for every time you’re late for something. This fence is a blessing in disguise […]
10 Ways to Make the Construction Zone Work for You
Gus the Mascot Looking for New Human Host
SAINT PETER, MN — Gus the Lion is currently searching for a new human host. He has posted on Craigslist, Facebook Marketplace, and EVERY POSTERBOARD IN CAMPUS CENTER. An ideal host […]
Bose Soundlink Mini Bluetooth II Pearl Speakers Selected as Commencement Speaker
The commencement day speaker selection committee announced earlier this morning that Bose Soundlink Mini Bluetooth II Pearl Speakers will represent the class of 2018. Committee head, NononNsense Van Iwannabebecky explained: “We selected […]
Bacardi Rum and Gustavus Adolphus College Were Founded in the Same Exact Year and Everything Makes Sense Now
St. Peter, MN- Sometimes we get a little bored of ripping on various faculty members and getting people upset over a joke about Sweet Martha’s Cookies, so we spend our free time […]
Descendants of Titanic Victims Site Global Warming as Key to Victory in War on Icebergs
The Friends Against Repeating the Titanic (FARTT) announced today that an important milestone had been reached in their century long goal. “After years of hard work, we can announce that we have […]
Res-Life To Demolish All Off-Campus Houses
St. Peter, MN- In a stunning move, Residential Life at Gustavus has announced that their next major project will be demolishing all off-campus houses. With enrollment on the decline, the college has […]
Sweet Martha’s Cookies Now Available for Purchase in the Gustavus Market Place
SAINT PETER,MN- Earlier this week Keith Benson, Assistant Director of Dining Services, announced that the Gustavus Market Place will now offer Sweet Martha’s Cookies. Known as a Minnesota State Fair favorite, the […]
Student Loses Himself in Existential Wilds, Drinks Own Pee to Survive
It was discovered last night that Philosophy minor, Sean Womac, became lost in the Existential Wilds of his life. He resorted to drinking his own urine to survive. “I just went out […]
9 Gusties Receive Restraining Orders From Fulbright Offices
St. Peter, MN- Gustavus is known for harboring a long tradition of Fulbright scholars. Every year there are competitive upperclassman who try their hardest to work through the application process in order […]
Types of Friends You’ll Make at Gustavus
St. Peter, MN- We understand that it’s hard to understand your place in the universe when you don’t have someone else telling you what to do, say, or think. This is especially […]
