ST. PETER, MN – Gusties who are tired of eating shit every time they leave their dorm rooms rejoiced on Friday, when a campus-wide email declared that the icy campus sidewalks would […]
Lund Hockey Rink Demolished, Replaced with Campus Sidewalks
Suspicious St. Olaf Spy Balloon Spotted Over Old Main
ST. PETER, MN– The safety and security of students has always been a priority here at Gustavus. With resources like Campus Safety and SafeRides nobly defending all we hold dear, the school […]
East Palestine Tap Water Still not as Toxic as the Gustavus Choir
ST. PETER, MN – The Environmental Protection Agency released a new report concerning the toxicity of tap water in East Palestine, OH. The sleepy town has been the centre of one of […]
Electric Car Parking Spots, and 4 Other Ways This College Wastes Our Money
ST. PETER, MN.– As it has been recently announced, electric car parking spots have been identified as a critical need for the school and secured funding for immediate installation. In honor of […]
Justice Prevails: Masked Arboretum Vigilante Cracks Down on Illegal Drug Use
ST. PETER, MN – One of the most captivating aspects of campus that draws in thousands of prospies each year is the Arboretum, which has long been a favored spot of relaxation […]
Ash Wednesday Revitalized to Combat Faith-Related Guilt
CHRIST CHAPEL – As the cold grows deeper and our seasonal depression strengthens, the Christian calendar is here to remind every person of faith of just how worthless they really are, and […]
GAC Shutdown: Everything You Need to Know before the Purge
ST. PETER, MN – Amid reports of the upcoming weather conditions, the campus is buzzing with the latest announcement: The Purge. Due to the expected weather conditions this week, Campus Safety has […]
Tri-Sigma Sorority Changes Name to Sugma Sugma Sugma
ST. PETER, MN — Seemingly out of nowhere, the Gustavus chapter of the Tri-Sigma sorority shocked the world of Greek life today by announcing that they would be changing their name to […]
GAC Cafeteria Goes Sex-Positive
ST. PETER, MN — The CAB event titillatingly titled “Sexy Jeopardy” was inarguably, a resounding success as the sex-postive game show was heavily attended by both Gusties and community members alike (the […]
Disastrous Sewing Club Incident Leaves Tennis Team In Search of New Practice Facility
ST. PETER, MN – Gustavus has long been an institution known for its exceptional athletics, especially its tennis. Over the past few decades, athletics fans have enjoyed watching the Golden Gusties dominate […]
The Fourth Crown 