ST. PETER, MN– After a month-long hiatus, the writers of the Fourth Crown (Gustavus’ beloved and most reliable news source) were found engaging in a tangle of horrendous sin and sodomy. Their […]
Fourth Crown Writers Too Busy Having Drug-Fueled Orgy To Write Articles
Where Did You Go, Fourth Crown?
The following piece was delivered to The Fourth Crown via Carrier Pigeon this morning. We apologize for the delay, it took multiple hours to read the words through the tear stains. ST. […]
PA Office Implements the More Realistic “L” Curve Adjustment Model
ST. PETER, MN– Any first-year who has mistakenly wandered into the P.A. office knows that adjusting to college life comes with its own set of ups and downs. Previously, the P.A. office […]
1,000 Prospective Students Visit GAC, 3 Supposedly Hope to Enroll
ST. PETER, MN – Gustavus had a record breaking October when over 1,000 prospective students came to campus for tours. However, this wasn’t the only record breaking number to come out of […]
Watching the Sun Rise, Counting to 1,000,000, and Other Fun Activities to do While Waiting for Registration to be Fixed
ST. PETER, MN– Registration is upon us, and across campus Gusties have been gearing up for what always proves to be a thrilling part of the semester. Each year students stress and […]
Senior Dresses Up as Gustie Greeter to Scare First-Years
ST. PETER, MN– Halloween is officially here, and Gustavus has fully embraced the holiday spirit. Whether it’s getting hammered at the Flame last weekend or letting your hidden fursona finally into the […]
Top 5 Unique Treats to Hand out This Halloween
ST. PETER, MN – Happy Halloween, Gusties! While it seems that all worthwhile Halloween festivities ended as soon as Sunday of Halloweekend hangovers began, there is still much more spooky cheer to […]
Gustavus Moves to Remove January from Gregorian Calendar
ST. PETER, MN – Lately, the beloved Gustavus Adolphus College campus has been a flurry of activity, not from anything vaguely resembling fun, but from students panicking over changes to the academic […]
Professors to be Embedded in Carbonite Until Student Population Rises
ST. PETER, MN – Ever since Pittman Hall closed for “renovations,” strange things have been happening on the Hill. Less students can be seen on campus now compared to ten years ago, […]
Student Running Out of Excuses After 9th Grandpa Dies
ST. PETER, MN– Midterms are fast approaching, and for many that means an steadily growing workload of homework, exams, and other academic hassles. Getting it all done can often feel like an […]