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Thursday, August 11th, 2022

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Chill Professor Forgoes Final in Favor of 1v1 Mixed Martial Arts Tournament

By fourthcrown on May 13, 2022

Health Service Offering Brazilian Butt Lifts Just in Time for Summer

By fourthcrown on May 10, 2022

Campus Safety to Mandate Walking Permits

By fourthcrown on May 5, 2022

Opening of New Lund Wing Unveils State-of-the-Art Trampoline Park

By fourthcrown on May 4, 2022

‘We’re So Screwed’ States Football Player After Learning They Will Have to Play Other Schools in the Fall

By fourthcrown on May 3, 2022

Our Girl Becky Found Shitfaced and Passed Out in Donor Plaza

By fourthcrown on May 2, 2022

Caf to Exclusively Sell Meat Products In Response to Supply Chain Error

By fourthcrown on April 25, 2022

ST. PETER, MN — In response to an error in cafeteria supply chain communication, it has recently been announced that the cafeteria will be selling only meat and meat by-products, effective immediately. […]

Registration Woes Mount as MyGustavus Demands Answers to its Riddles Three

By fourthcrown on April 22, 2022

ST. PETER, MN — As registration season descended upon Gustavus this week, anxiety levels ran high. Following the debacle of room selection, in which at least four hundred students were assigned to […]

Music Building Demolished for Parts to Build Lund Renovation

By fourthcrown on April 21, 2022

ST. PETER, MN — In the early morning hours of Thursday, April 21st, residents of Swest and Prairie View looked on in abject terror as both the Schaefer Fine Arts Center and […]

Large Rat Released as New Campus Cat – Nebo!

By fourthcrown on April 20, 2022

ST. PETER, MN — Students returning from the long weekend this past Monday were shocked and elated to encounter Nemo’s long-awaited replacement roaming the campus grounds. The new furry friend, coined “Nebo” […]

Brave Student Embarks on Journey to End of Ring Road

By fourthcrown on April 19, 2022

ST. PETER, MN– Throughout the world, Gustavus is well-known as an institution constantly making groundbreaking and world-changing breakthroughs in a variety of fields.  Gusties have grown to pride themselves on making these […]

Jesus Has Risen — Says, “Pay Your Taxes”

By fourthcrown on April 18, 2022

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – A miracle happened this last Sunday. Shocking people who thought that they wouldn’t witness this in their lifetime, the son of God has thrown a surprise resurrection. […]

Half of Your Tuition Cost Paying for Caf’s Easter Decor

By fourthcrown on April 15, 2022

ST. PETER, MN — With Gusties excitedly preparing to spend their single day of Easter Break getting blackout drunk, the Caf’s efforts to stoke the holiday spirit have not gone unnoticed. From […]

Res Life to Require Medical Accommodations for Indoor Housing Fall 2022

By fourthcrown on April 14, 2022

The most soul-sucking, heart-wrenching, wretchedly foul, indescribably horrid time of the year is upon us: housing selection. Gustavus is notorious not only for its lack of humane housing options but also for […]

Kappas, SAE, and Eppies Merge Into Super Frat — Epsilon Sigma Kappa

By fourthcrown on April 13, 2022

ST. PETER, MN — Three of the campus’s four fraternities have announced today that they will merge with each other to form one single fraternity that members are now calling the “Super […]

Death Hill to be Transformed into Cliff for Midsommar Festival

By fourthcrown on April 12, 2022

ST. PETER, MN — If there is one thing every student knows about Gustavus, it’s that this school holds a strong sense of Swedish nationalism and is proud of its roots and […]

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