St. Peter, MN- The number of acapella groups on the Gustavus Adolphus campus has risen for the third time this year as the members of our very own staff have decided to […]
The Fourth Crown Starts Its Own Acapella Group: The Fourth Chord
Fourth Crown Writers Interpret Campus Sculptures From Smallest to Largest
AB: This is a beautiful sculpture of a Ringwraith from the Lord of the Rings holding up a baby giant turtle while balancing on half of a unicycle. It’s an artistic representation […]
Upcoming Senior Recital to be Complete Repertoire of R. Kelly’s Greatest Hits
SAINT PETER, MN — As the end of the year slowly approaches, seniors from all across the music department have been performing instrumental or vocal pieces that they’ve been preparing for months. […]
Hill Crew Cheers on Philosophers’ Guild During Weekly Meeting
SAINT PETER, MN — Continuing efforts to extend their support network, the Hill Crew decided to celebrate a Philosopher’s Guild meeting last Wednesday at 7PM . Despite the glaring differences between the […]
Legendary DEA Agents Come to Investigate the Three Remaining GAC Greek Orgs
SAINT PETER, MN — Following a school year filled with the suspensions of the campus’ Greek organizations, legendary DEA agents Steve Murphy and Javier Pena have been dispatched to Saint Peter in […]
“Stay Away From the Arboretum at Night. It’s a Forrest of Sin and Sorcery,” Warns Campus Safety
ST. PETER, MN — The arboretum has been a cause of concern with the administration as of late. A recent report from Campus Safety has raised concerns that cults, warlocks and other […]
Garbage Piles Higher As Greek Orgs Are Suspended, Adopted Highways Grow Unkempt
ST. PETER, MN – Following the suspension of a number of local fraternities and sororities on the Gustavus Adolphus campus some unintended consequences have manifested themselves around the St. Peter area. For […]
Proclaim Sends Student to Hell in Effort to Warn Others of the Dangers of Sin
SAINT PETER, MN — After seeing the results of the DLC and I Am We Are’s poster experiment, Christian student group Proclaim sent fifth-year senior Sean Joseph to hell in an effort […]
Students of Color More than Strong Enough to Handle Coward’s Weak Shit
SAINT PETER, MN — Following the posting of a white nationalist flyer on the doors of Beck Hall, Gustavus students of color have assured the campus that they are definitely capable enough […]
Campus Safety Troll Kurg Kills Leprechaun, Wears Skin as Disguise
SAINT PETER, MN — In a truly horrifying display of monstrosity, Campus Safety officer and troll Kurg murdered an innocent leprechaun in cold blood. Kurg then skinned the victim alive and wore […]
