Aries (March 20-April 19): Look, Aries, no one has had a great 2018. In all, the year has been trash from beginning to end. We’ve all been so distracted by the news […]
Fourth Crown Fall Break Horoscopes
Fourth Crown Reviews: Your Mandatory Floor Meeting
St. Peter, MN- You have gathered from the various emails sent out by school officials that your favorite CF is about to host one of those pointless “Community” meetings where your CF […]
Pre-Med Student Prescribes Red Bull to Passed-Out Roommate
SAINT PETER, MN- It was reported earlier this week that Sophomore Spencer Theeson, a pre-med student, wrote a prescription to his roommate Thomas Fuller for two cans of Red Bull, allowing Fuller […]
Supreme Court Zoo Welcomes Another Pig to its Collection
WASHINGTON D.C.- The honorable Supreme Court Zoo announced Saturday that it would be welcoming yet another micro-pig to pop a squat on its own seat beside other micro-pigs, a couple chill donkeys, […]
Tesla Unveils New, Fully-Electric Elon Musk
Palo Alto, CA- Tesla is known as a pioneer in the auto industry for producing the first batteries potent enough to run their flagship vehicles, but their most recent announcement is an […]
7 Must See Attractions In Saint Peter
ST. PETER, MN- It’s no secret that St. Peter is the reason that people even know Minnesota is a state. We, like, invented her, you know? Many consider it the “Hollywood” of […]
10 Ways to Get Down and Dirty During Nobel
St. Peter MN- Nobel Week is upon us, and we here at the Fourth Crown couldn’t be happier to take this time to sit back, relax, hide in our closets from the […]
Gustavus Cribbage Upset By Bethel In MIAC Championship
St. Peter, MN- After a dominant season by our Golden Gustie Cribbage team, their playoff hopes were cut short this past Sunday by the up and coming Bethel squad. The Gusties were […]
Fourth Crown Film Predictions: Venom
STANDARD DISCLAIMER: THE FOURTH CROWN HAS NOT SEEN THIS MOVIE, BUT WE DO HAVE SOME OPINIONS ON IT. SAINT PETER, MN- Venom (2018) is a movie directed by Ruben Fleischer starring Tom […]
Lin-Manuel Miranda Announces Next Project, “Bergman: The Musical”
ST PETER MN- Late Wednesday night, Sophomore Gina Savage was walking aimlessly between Arbor View and College View, trying to sneak into some sort of Wine Wednesday shinbag, when she heard someone […]
