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Caillou (Now 22) Commits to Gustavus hockey

By fourthcrown on March 24, 2023

Counseling Services Flooded with Students Convinced There is a Dorm Called “Rundstrom”

By fourthcrown on March 22, 2023

The Fourth Crown Reviews: CAB’s 37th Annual President’s Ball

By fourthcrown on March 20, 2023

ROTC Kids Seize Control of Student Senate in Coup d’État

By fourthcrown on March 16, 2023

“Woah, I Didn’t Know He was Chill Like That!” Campus Squirrel Seen Smoking a Blunt and being like Really Cool and Chill

By fourthcrown on March 15, 2023

The Over-Involved Gustie Showdown- Who Will Emerge the Most Overwhelmed?

By fourthcrown on March 14, 2023

Lund Hockey Rink Demolished, Replaced with Campus Sidewalks

By fourthcrown on March 3, 2023

ST. PETER, MN – Gusties who are tired of eating shit every time they leave their dorm rooms rejoiced on Friday, when a campus-wide email declared that the icy campus sidewalks would […]

Suspicious St. Olaf Spy Balloon Spotted Over Old Main

By fourthcrown on March 1, 2023

ST. PETER, MN– The safety and security of students has always been a priority here at Gustavus. With resources like Campus Safety and SafeRides nobly defending all we hold dear, the school […]

East Palestine Tap Water Still not as Toxic as the Gustavus Choir

By fourthcrown on February 28, 2023

ST. PETER, MN – The Environmental Protection Agency released a new report concerning the toxicity of tap water in East Palestine, OH. The sleepy town has been the centre of one of […]

Electric Car Parking Spots, and 4 Other Ways This College Wastes Our Money

By fourthcrown on February 27, 2023

ST. PETER, MN.– As it has been recently announced, electric car parking spots have been identified as a critical need for the school and secured funding for immediate installation. In honor of […]

Justice Prevails: Masked Arboretum Vigilante Cracks Down on Illegal Drug Use

By fourthcrown on February 24, 2023

ST. PETER, MN – One of the most captivating aspects of campus that draws in thousands of prospies each year is the Arboretum, which has long been a favored spot of relaxation […]

Ash Wednesday Revitalized to Combat Faith-Related Guilt

By fourthcrown on February 22, 2023

CHRIST CHAPEL  – As the cold grows deeper and our seasonal depression strengthens, the Christian calendar is here to remind every person of faith of just how worthless they really are, and […]

GAC Shutdown: Everything You Need to Know before the Purge

By fourthcrown on February 21, 2023

ST. PETER, MN – Amid reports of the upcoming weather conditions, the campus is buzzing with the latest announcement: The Purge. Due to the expected weather conditions this week, Campus Safety has […]

Tri-Sigma Sorority Changes Name to Sugma Sugma Sugma

By fourthcrown on February 20, 2023

ST. PETER, MN — Seemingly out of nowhere, the Gustavus chapter of the Tri-Sigma sorority shocked the world of Greek life today by announcing that they would be changing their name to […]

GAC Cafeteria Goes Sex-Positive

By fourthcrown on December 15, 2022

ST. PETER, MN — The CAB event titillatingly titled “Sexy Jeopardy” was inarguably, a resounding success as the sex-postive game show was heavily attended by both Gusties and community members alike (the […]

Disastrous Sewing Club Incident Leaves Tennis Team In Search of New Practice Facility

By fourthcrown on December 13, 2022

ST. PETER, MN – Gustavus has long been an institution known for its exceptional athletics, especially its tennis. Over the past few decades, athletics fans have enjoyed watching the Golden Gusties dominate […]

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Top Posts

  • Caillou (Now 22) Commits to Gustavus hockey
  • The Fourth Crown Reviews: CAB's 37th Annual President's Ball
  • Counseling Services Flooded with Students Convinced There is a Dorm Called “Rundstrom”

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