ST. PETER, MN — It is day 72 of this godforsaken semester. Thanksgiving break is taunting the student populace from its spot that lies a week away. Midterms have drained the souls […]
Ok This Has Been Fun, Can We Be Done Now, Please?
Bust of Carl Linnaeus Releases Anti-Woke Comedy Special
ST. PETER, MN – “Folks, I’m gonna be honest with you here,” said the bronze bust of Carl Linnaeus, teetering behind the microphone, “I’ve been cancelled.” The phrase, clanging out of the […]
Whoa! “I Prefer Direct Communication” Roommate Cries when Asked to do Their Dishes
ST. PETER, MN – We all know them, the roommate who proudly checks “Direct Communication” on the roommate agreement form at the beginning of the year, and assures you that they “love […]
SART Adds Harassment and Issues Questionable Rebranding As SHART
ST. PETER, MN – The Sexual Assault Response Team, more commonly known as SART, has long been an essential campus resource for all students. Recently, SART has determined that they were not […]
ROTC Students Infuriated After Being Refused Veterans Discount in Caf
ST. PETER, MN – ROTC students across campus were furious this past weekend when Dining Service employees refused to give them a Veterans discount. An incident occurred on Sunday morning when Blake […]
Gus the Lion Revealed As Just a Person In a Lion Costume
ST. PETER, MN – Yesterday, an anonymous source claiming to be from the Campus Activities Board reached out to The Fourth Crown with a shocking revelation: Gus the Lion, the fabled mascot […]
City State Forms Outside Laundry Room During Long Wait for Open Washer
ST. PETER, MN – “It said 12 minutes to-go three weeks ago. Now it says 14 minutes left. Tell me how this makes sense.” This frustrated sentiment from a first-year was one […]
Line for General’s Chicken Causes Massive Traffic Stop on I-169
ST. PETER, MN – The Evelyn Young Dining Hall is known throughout the world as a place of culinary excellence, providing a variety of gourmet selections for hungry Gusties on a daily […]
New Campus-Wide Mental Health Initiative: Weed
ST. PETER, MN – As the fall semester continues, Gustavus students are experiencing record-high levels of stress and anxiety. “There’s a level of distress right now that can’t be solved by CAB […]
Registration Guarantee: Students Able to Take One Class that Applies to Their Major Every Year
ST. PETER, MN — Registration for Spring 2022 classes, occurring between November 8th and 18th, is right around the corner for Gusties. Gustavus prides itself on being a Liberal Arts college, which […]
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