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Lund Renovation Still Happening

By fourthcrown on March 18, 2020

Opinion: “Fuck”

By fourthcrown on March 17, 2020

Tinder Hookup Becomes Latest Cancellation Due to Coronavirus

By fourthcrown on March 13, 2020

Lund Renovation to Hopefully Include Some Damn Febreze

By fourthcrown on March 5, 2020

Henati Club Inaugural Meeting This Friday Night

By fourthcrown on March 4, 2020

Gordon Ramsay Rates Caf Food

By fourthcrown on February 28, 2020

The Fourth Crown Reviews: Captain Marvel

By fourthcrown on March 9, 2019

SAINT PETER, MN- The long-awaited cinematic debut for Captain Marvel has finally arrived, and by god this movie straight up fucks. Brie Larson who plays the hero herself could have stepped out […]

Transfer Rate Drops to 0% Because Nobody’s Car Will Start

By fourthcrown on March 7, 2019

SAINT PETER, MN- The Gustavus student retention rate has reached an all-time high of one-hundred percent this year. According to students, this is due to the fact that they are “literally trapped […]

Nemo Requests a No-Contact Order from Everyone

By fourthcrown on March 6, 2019

ST PETER MN- It has been weeks since any Gustie has seen Nemo, the infamous campus cat, strolling around Campus or in anyone’s room in Rundstrom.  While most people assumed that Nemo […]

What Your GAC Professor Thinks of You Based On Your Zodiac Sign

By fourthcrown on March 5, 2019

Aquarius: Wow, you don’t like when my curriculum challenges your current understanding of the subject? Riveting, Aquarius.   Pisces: Please. PLEASE. Stop crying. Aries: Thank you for speaking up in class. I […]

Book Mark Unveils New Lingerie Line

By fourthcrown on March 4, 2019

St. Peter, MN — Did you miss out on a little romantic romp action during Valentine’s Day? Have no fear! The Book Mark is coming through to us students with more than […]

New Chaplain Throws Down Note Cards, Improvises Sermon

By fourthcrown on March 3, 2019

St. Peter, MN- The newly hired chaplain, Mary Fischer, caused a ripple across the inter-faith community at Gustavus today when she threw down her training cards and spoke about our relationships with […]

Democratic Presidential Hopefuls Play Smash to Decide the Nom

By fourthcrown on February 28, 2019

With only six-hundred and fifteen days until the election, the Democrats are searching for a candidate to lead the party to the White House and regain a sense of diplomacy and civility […]

Fight Club Will Now Count as a Fitness Credit

By fourthcrown on February 27, 2019

SAINT PETER, MN- The registrar’s office announced on Monday that the Gustavus fight club that has been secretly meeting in the basement of “none of your business, go away” will now count […]

Safe Rides Aquires Fleet of AT-AT Walkers In Anticipation of Next Blizzard

By fourthcrown on February 26, 2019

St. Peter, MN — With record-breaking snowfall this February and no end in sight, Campus Safety’s “Safe Rides” program has made a major purchase for the hopeful benefit of Gustavus students everywhere: […]

The Fourth Crown Reviews: Case Day 2019

By fourthcrown on February 25, 2019

ST PETER MN-  This past Saturday was Case Day, the one day in the Gustavus Calendar year that the athletes on campus get to binge drink as much as they usually would […]

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