Peter Sanders (pictured to the left with his awesome Mennonite beard) at the D&D game that changed his life. Tommy Lindquist (pictured to the far right) is also present, for some reason. […]
D&D Enthusiast Rolls a 1 on His Finals Results
CAB Refuses to Hire Actual Talent for the Big Concert Until Someone Comes to One of their Events
ST PETER, MN- As usual, CAB hasn’t hired anyone good, or even picked great nominees for the semi-annual “Big Concert” this year. Every student on campus has been groaning and moaning at […]
Doped-Up Russian Athlete Accidentally Does Triple Corkscrew 1260 Flip During Curling Match
PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA- The Olympics are often full of shocking scandals: finding out that Lindsey Vonn put tiny rocket propellers on her skis, or that Shaun White is actually just two chimpanzees […]
Campus Fight Club Conflicted about Whether to Table at the Involvement Fair
The Spring Involvement Fair may be one club short this year as the Campus Fight Club has been unable to come to a consensus about if they should have a table at […]
Man Whips It Out After First Date. Unfortunately, “It,” Was A Cribbage Board
St. PETER, MN — Friday night, Junior Honors Music major Jessica Bernstein went out with Senior Computer Science major Nigel Torres. They had a delicious supper at Panera Bread and went to […]
Botany Club and the Caf Join Forces for All New “Weed Brownie Wednesday”
SAINT PETER, MN- Students and faculty alike reacted with unprecedented joy upon hearing the news of an all new savory food item coming to the caf. This new “not proven to be […]
First-Year Student Mistakenly Makes Sleeping Potion at “Potions and Crafts Night” and Turns Into A Sleep-Walking Zombie
St. PETER MN- Recently, ResLife and CAB sponsored a “Potions and Crafts Night,” where budding, not-so-young wizards and witches who never received their Hogwarts letters could fulfill their dreams by constructing their […]
Entire Vikings Squad Ready To Just Have Some Fun Out There
Minnesota– In a press briefing before tonight’s game, representatives from the Minnesota Vikings reported that the whole team is excited to have a good time in their game against their opponents, the […]
Internal Organs Prepare to be Damaged in Anticipation of New Year’s Eve
SAINT-PETER, MN- New Year’s Eve symbolizes the end of the past and the beginning of the future- or some shit like that. While some may feel excited to usher in a new […]
Senior at Point with Finals Where They Really Connect with Evanescence Lyrics
SAINT PETER, MN- Senior Theresa Hanson realized while studying for finals around three this morning that Evanescence really spoke to her on a deep level. “I was just on Spotify, and a […]
