SAINT PETER, MN- Look, we know that journalism is a nasty business, but we promise that we have been good this year. Anyone who says otherwise can speak to our nonexistent legal […]
The Official Fourth Crown Christmas Wish List
Academic Honesty Policy Removed for “Originality-Shaming” Uncreative Students
St. Peter, MN- Students no longer have to pretend they have integrity because it’s not required anymore. The rules forbidding plagiarism have been dissolved for being discriminatory towards students who are uncreative […]
Fourth Crown Reviews: Samantha’s House Party
PETER, MN- Word broke to the Fourth Crown staff at 5:13pm Friday evening when a little birdie described a little shindig happening at “Samantha’s” house down the hill. It was supposed to […]
The Definitive Ranking of the MIAC Schools
MINNESOTA- With winter break around the corner, the excitement and sheer desperation of the overly tired and simultaneously overly caffeinated students is tangible. Mental breakdowns are coming down like the snowflakes we […]
Alt-Right Counters Black Friday with White Saturday
SUBURBS, USA- The Friday after Thanksgiving is one of the biggest shopping days of the holiday season. Families both large and small submit to the oppressive structure of capitalism and take advantage […]
Fourth Crown Review: The Molding Queso Dip Outside of Old Main
SAINT PETER, MN- Today marks the three-week anniversary of the campus’ latest addition: the molding queso dip on the sidewalk between Old Main and Christ Chapel. Student’s have been able to enjoy […]
English Major Falls into a Coma After Forgetting a Comma
SAINT PETER, MN- Junior Alicia Harvey was found in her dorm room Monday night unconscious for “seemingly no reason” by her roommate. She was rushed to urgent care where it would be […]
Remodeled Nobel Hall Will Be First Completely 3-D Building Ever
SAINT PETER, MN- As many students and faculty await the remodeling of Nobel Hall, Chief Architect Bill Brekfist has announced an exciting update on the project. Nobel Hall will be the first […]
The Fourth Crown Reviews: The Void where your Enthusiasm used to be
AINT PETER,MN- We asked ten of our dutiful staff here at the Fourth Crown to try out a new product from the company that brought us “Capitalism: the end of creativity” a […]
MISSING: Little Partner Who Was Just Too Good at Hide n’ Seek
SAINT PETER, MN- BREAKING NEWS. We have our very own Amber Alert (or maybe like a Quartz Alert cuz this isn’t super important). On Sunday, during a rousing round of Hide n’ […]
