THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA — As schools across the US begin the spring semester, students are excitedly celebrating the last semester of education they will have the opportunity to participate in. […]
Students Across Nation Celebrate Beginning of Last Semester of School Ever
Fourth Crown Editor: “Great, We’re Fake News.”
SAINT PETER, MN — In light of the mass controversy surrounding the validity of the articles titled ‘Gustavus Handbell Ensemble Refuses to Play Trump Inauguration’ and ‘Study Abroad Students Return to Isolationist […]
Study Abroad Students Return to Isolationist Country with Outdated Worldly Views
Saint Peter, MN — Semester and J-Term study abroad students returning to the US this week, with an expanded perspective on what it means to be a worldly citizen, were shocked to […]
“I’m Just Looking for an Open Dialogue,” Says Student Looking for Validation
St. Peter, MN- Amidst controversial and nuanced campus wide debates following the 2016 presidential election a clarion call was sounded by Junior Political Science Major Elizabeth Clarke. On January 24th she turned […]
Gustavus Choir Program Destroyed by Civil War Between LeGACy and G-Sharp
SAINT PETER, MN — A civil war between two rival a cappella factions of the Gustavus Choir threatens to completely destroy the program itself. The long established, patriarchal G-Sharp group has been […]
Gustavus Handbell Ensemble Refuses to Play Trump Inauguration
St. Peter, MN- Just a day before the inauguration of the 45th president of the United States, the Gustavus Handbell Ensemble has made the last minute decision to cancel their performance. While […]
CLICK CAMPAIGN: You’re Drunk at SNL. Can You Make It Home?
What have you done!?! You’re totally shitcanned at SNL and don’t know if you will be able to make it back to the dorm without getting in trouble and spending the night […]
Head of Dining Services, “Pickles for Everyone!”
PETER, MN — In an unexpected press release out of the Evelyn Young Dining Hall, Head of Dining Services Carl Patski has announced a new policy: “Pickles for Everyone!” Starting in approximately […]
Campus safety: “Campus is quiet…too quiet.”
SAINT PETER- After publishing a set of weekly incident reports, campus safety officer Vic Pascutti reportedly punched his fist through a campus vehicle’s bullet-proof window and said,”campus is quiet…too quiet.” Following the […]
Gus Bus Changes Number After Years of Drunk Callers’ Harassment
Saint Peter, MN — After years of harassment from thousands of drunken individuals, the Gus Bus has decided to change its phone number in order to “better live its life”. While the […]
