YOUR COMPETITORS: Parker Lindberg Current Co-Editor-in-Chief. Has a prom photo as his LinkedIn profile picture. Writes stuff. Wears glasses. Reincarnation of Edgar Allan Poe, but less emo. Small. Betrays The Fourth […]
WHO WOULD WIN IN A DEATH MATCH?
Gustavus Administration to Start Selling Gustie-Flavored Popsicles
ST PETER MN- It has been more than just “a little gusty” across campus this week with temperatures reaching well into the Antarctic range. While most students have been utilizing their deeply, […]
Top Five Campus Safety Chases of 2018
ST PETER MN- Another year has come to an end at Gustavus Adolphus College and boy are we excited to throw the shitshow of 2018 behind. While this year was full of […]
12 Ways to Get Cozy at GAC This Winter
Buy a fun Christmas sweater. What an easy and fun way to stay warm and get into the holiday spirit. Cut open Gus the Lion and live inside his body. Cold? Why […]
Becky B Slated to Win This Spring’s Beer Pong Tournament
ST PETER MN- The “Saturday is for the Boys” Federation of America released a statement yesterday saying that Becky “B-Swizzle” Bergman is the current front runner to win this spring’s annual beer-pong […]
Yam Haus Really Yammed Our Haus
SAINT PETER, MN— Last Friday at The Dive, Minneapolis based boy band Yam Haus gave one of the most memorable performances in Gustavus Adolphus College history. Their hour-long setlist filled with bops […]
The Early Designs for Civil War II Uniforms Are Breathtaking
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA— Well, the results are in and the finalists have been chosen for the uniforms for the next American Civil War. It was a tight race with heated opinions […]
Bias Incident Scheduled for Tuesday
SAINT PETER, MN- In a proactive email, the Gustavus administration informed the community of a bias incident that will undoubtedly occur late Tuesday or early Wednesday. The administration is unclear as to […]
Top 9 Most Aesthetically Pleasing Things On Campus
ST PETER MN- We have been getting quite a few complaints from a Gustie named Felicia about how our articles are not, “aesthetically pleasing enough.” Since we all literally live under that […]
The Fourth Crown is Run by a Russian Bot, and You Can’t Do Shit About It
MOTHER RUSSIA— Привет, я русский бот, который контролирует вашу жизнь. Я взял ваш колледж, ваше правительство и ваше свободное время с моими глупыми статьями. Что вы можете с этим поделать? Вы могли […]
