SAINT PETER, MN – This just in on the renovation process of the Lund Center: operations have been halted due to a secret chamber, a “chamber of secrets” perhaps, being discovered beneath […]
Chamber of Secrets Found Beneath Lund Center – Renovations Halted
The Fourth Crown Transcends The Concept of Death
SAINT PETER, MN— Blessed be this day, Gusties, for the Fourth Crown will live along with the literary works of Shakespeare, Marx, and John Green until the ever-expanding Sun burns this planet […]
Tennis Bubble Undergoes Mitosis, Splits in Two
SAINT PETER, MN- In a turn of events that can only be described as “spooky as hell”, the Swanson Tennis Center underwent the cellular process of mitosis on Tuesday, splitting into two […]
Gustie of the Week’s Head Explodes
ST PETER MN- The Gustavian Weekly’s segment “Gustie of the Week” is a sought-after honor by many over-achieving Gusties who are into that sort of thing. Multiple reports have been heard of […]
The Fourth Crown Reviews: Captain Marvel
SAINT PETER, MN- The long-awaited cinematic debut for Captain Marvel has finally arrived, and by god this movie straight up fucks. Brie Larson who plays the hero herself could have stepped out […]
Transfer Rate Drops to 0% Because Nobody’s Car Will Start
SAINT PETER, MN- The Gustavus student retention rate has reached an all-time high of one-hundred percent this year. According to students, this is due to the fact that they are “literally trapped […]
Nemo Requests a No-Contact Order from Everyone
ST PETER MN- It has been weeks since any Gustie has seen Nemo, the infamous campus cat, strolling around Campus or in anyone’s room in Rundstrom. While most people assumed that Nemo […]
What Your GAC Professor Thinks of You Based On Your Zodiac Sign
Aquarius: Wow, you don’t like when my curriculum challenges your current understanding of the subject? Riveting, Aquarius. Pisces: Please. PLEASE. Stop crying. Aries: Thank you for speaking up in class. I […]
Book Mark Unveils New Lingerie Line
St. Peter, MN — Did you miss out on a little romantic romp action during Valentine’s Day? Have no fear! The Book Mark is coming through to us students with more than […]
New Chaplain Throws Down Note Cards, Improvises Sermon
St. Peter, MN- The newly hired chaplain, Mary Fischer, caused a ripple across the inter-faith community at Gustavus today when she threw down her training cards and spoke about our relationships with […]
