St. Peter MN- On Saturday for the first time since who knows when, Co-ed, Plex, and the Views were not getting “litty as a kitty”, so Campus Safety had nothing kind of […]
The Headphone Disco Receives A “Too-Little Noise Violation”
“Prairie in Progress” Disturbed, Old God Awakened
St. Peter MN- In the past few years, there has been an initiative on campus attempting to regrow and reclaim some of the natural prairie grass ecosystem that Gustavus was built on. […]
President Bergman Announces Campus-Wide Ban On Onion Rings
St. Peter, MN- In a move that surprised many, earlier this morning it was announced by President Bergman that a campus-wide ban on onion rings will be implemented. Starting in the fall […]
Lost City of Atlantis Found in Gibbs Storage Closet
SAINT PETER,MN- Archaeologists across the country are gathering at Gustavus’s Gibbs hall following a discovery in the dorm’s storage closet last Tuesday. During end of the semester cleaning and cataloging, residential life […]
Gustavus Majors As Outdated Memes
SAINT PETER, MINNESOTA- You know what’s more fun than studying for finals? Literally everything else. So this Fourth Crown article is brought to you by top-tier procrastination fueled by self-loathing and lack […]
Thanos to Teach Homelessness FTS in Fall Semester
SAINT PETER, MN- Many Gustavus students have heard the word on the street: he Homelessness FTS is not something to miss. The class is known for their yearly informational signs tied to […]
Hammock Envelops Student, Acquires Taste for Human Flesh
SAINT PETER, MN- May is the best time of the year to get outside, set up a hammock, and relax. This is exactly what first-year student, Cindy Vesper, did approximately two weeks […]
WOW! You Won’t Believe This Hot Summer Weight Loss Tip! It’s Leprosy.
It’s the infectious new health craze that’s sweeping the nation: leprosy is helping beach goers shed pounds quickly, and keep them off. Senior Biology Major Alan Hershowitz lauded the health benefits of […]
Health Services to Offer Complimentary Medically-Induced Comas for Finals Week
SAINT PETER, MN — Happy (almost) finals week, Gusties! With all of our assignments, papers, projects, and exams coming up, we here at The Fourth Crown know that it gets to be […]
Gustavus Eliminates Chinese Program as Part of Trade War on China
St. Peter, MN- With the elimination of the Chinese Language program at Gustavus Adolphus the Trump administration has landed on new blow in the trade war against China. Insiders in the White […]
