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Lund Renovation Still Happening

By fourthcrown on March 18, 2020

Opinion: “Fuck”

By fourthcrown on March 17, 2020

Tinder Hookup Becomes Latest Cancellation Due to Coronavirus

By fourthcrown on March 13, 2020

Lund Renovation to Hopefully Include Some Damn Febreze

By fourthcrown on March 5, 2020

Henati Club Inaugural Meeting This Friday Night

By fourthcrown on March 4, 2020

Gordon Ramsay Rates Caf Food

By fourthcrown on February 28, 2020

Nemo Acquires A Taste for Human Flesh

By fourthcrown on September 25, 2019

ST PETER MN- Recently on campus, many Gusties have been accustomed to seeing horrifying images of Nemo feasting on the carcasses of the cute bunnies and squirrels of our Disney fairytale dreams […]

74 Year Old Takes 8 Minutes to Pay at Caf Cashier

By fourthcrown on September 24, 2019

SAINT PETER, MN- Every year, the Nobel Conference brings academic experts, students, and a whole ton of old people to campus. Caf workers and students must prepare for their patience to be […]

September Horoscopes

By fourthcrown on September 16, 2019

Aries (March 20-April 19): There is a secret message written across all of time and space, it lives beyond the modern constructs of linear thought, and the religious would call it the […]

Spider-Man to Replace Gus the Lion Post-MCU Split

By fourthcrown on September 14, 2019

SAINT PETER, MN— After the controversial split between Marvel Studios and Sony Pictures, the fan-favorite character Spider-Man lost big Disney money and went back to the desolate Sony lands. The web-slinger lost […]

Football Team Predicted to Win, Lose, or Tie Game Tomorrow

By fourthcrown on September 13, 2019

MENOMONIE, WI- As the GAC Football team prepares for their game against UW-Stout tomorrow, you might be wondering: will they win? Our sports analysts have been consulted and their conclusion: we really […]

Title IX Office Plays Hide and Seek with Students

By fourthcrown on September 12, 2019

ST PETER MN-   Recently Gusties were welcomed back on campus with an array of office relocations, with Career Development and Res Life switching spots and the Peer Assistant’s Office adopting an […]

6 New Ways to Wear Your Lanyard this Fall

By fourthcrown on September 10, 2019

ST PETER, MN- The Fourth Crown Staff has spent most of the summer visiting the college-kid fashion capitals of the world— London, Paris, your mom’s couch, and not St. Olaf, people watching […]

Uncrustable Sandwich Slowly Hardens Into Very Thing It Promised Not To Be

By fourthcrown on May 13, 2019

SAINT PETER, MN- “It’s all crust! At this point, it’s just entirely crust. What happened to honesty?” said Junior Steve Umber. Umber had been looking forward to eating his recently obtained Uncrustable […]

Honor’s Day Canceled Because Honor Is Dead

By fourthcrown on May 6, 2019

St. Peter, MN- Parents, students and faculty alike were in for a shock this past weekend when Gustavus’s annual Honor’s day celebration was canceled at the last minute. The Gustavus administration released […]

Track Team Sends Javelin Throwers to Thin Out Herd of Football Players

By fourthcrown on May 2, 2019

SAINT PETER, MN — A prescribed hunt has been declared on campus for the increasing population of football players currently on campus. Javelin throwers on the track and field team have been […]

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