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Glory Hole Discovered in Olin Bathroom

By fourthcrown on November 21, 2019

Five Ways to Fuck With the System

By fourthcrown on November 14, 2019

Bored Gus Bus Driver Caught Doing Donuts in Parking Lot

By fourthcrown on November 10, 2019

Nemo On The Run After Campus Saftey Busts Meth Empire

By fourthcrown on November 7, 2019

GAC Parking Spaces Officially More Valuable than Gold

By fourthcrown on November 4, 2019

Fourth Crown Reviews: Spirit Halloween

By fourthcrown on October 23, 2019

Top 9 Most Aesthetically Pleasing Things On Campus

By fourthcrown on November 4, 2018

ST PETER MN- We have been getting quite a few complaints from a Gustie named Felicia about how our articles are not, “aesthetically pleasing enough.” Since we all literally live under that […]

The Fourth Crown is Run by a Russian Bot, and You Can’t Do Shit About It

By fourthcrown on November 2, 2018

MOTHER RUSSIA— Привет, я русский бот, который контролирует вашу жизнь. Я взял ваш колледж, ваше правительство и ваше свободное время с моими глупыми статьями. Что вы можете с этим поделать? Вы могли […]

Trump Dresses Up Like POTUS For Halloween

By fourthcrown on October 31, 2018

WASHINGTON, D.C.- Sources reported that opinionated billionaire Donald Trump dressed up as the President of the United States to celebrate Halloween. He wore a little U.S. flag button on his over-sized suit […]

Trump Suggests Everyone Hire Armed Bodyguards

By fourthcrown on October 29, 2018

Washington- In light of recent acts of mass violence witnessed across the nation,  President Trump has suggested that everyone should just go ahead and hire some personal armed guards. He was quoted […]

6 Alternatives to the Basic “U up?” Text

By fourthcrown on October 26, 2018

As the sun sets and the darkness rises, so do many male appendages. It’s the freakin weekend bitches! Which means one thing: time to get down and dirty. However, no matter how […]

Fourth Crown Fall Break Horoscopes

By fourthcrown on October 22, 2018

Aries (March 20-April 19): Look, Aries, no one has had a great 2018. In all, the year has been trash from beginning to end. We’ve all been so distracted by the news […]

Fourth Crown Reviews: Your Mandatory Floor Meeting

By fourthcrown on October 17, 2018

St. Peter, MN- You have gathered from the various emails sent out by school officials that your favorite CF is about to host one of those pointless “Community” meetings where your CF […]

Pre-Med Student Prescribes Red Bull to Passed-Out Roommate

By fourthcrown on October 11, 2018

SAINT PETER, MN- It was reported earlier this week that Sophomore Spencer Theeson, a pre-med student, wrote a prescription to his roommate Thomas Fuller for two cans of Red Bull, allowing Fuller […]

Supreme Court Zoo Welcomes Another Pig to its Collection

By fourthcrown on October 9, 2018

WASHINGTON D.C.- The honorable Supreme Court Zoo announced Saturday that it would be welcoming yet another micro-pig to pop a squat on its own seat beside other micro-pigs, a couple chill donkeys, […]

Tesla Unveils New, Fully-Electric Elon Musk

By fourthcrown on October 4, 2018

Palo Alto, CA- Tesla is known as a pioneer in the auto industry for producing the first batteries potent enough to run their flagship vehicles, but their most recent announcement is an […]

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