It was discovered last night that Philosophy minor, Sean Womac, became lost in the Existential Wilds of his life. He resorted to drinking his own urine to survive. “I just went out […]
Student Loses Himself in Existential Wilds, Drinks Own Pee to Survive
9 Gusties Receive Restraining Orders From Fulbright Offices
St. Peter, MN- Gustavus is known for harboring a long tradition of Fulbright scholars. Every year there are competitive upperclassman who try their hardest to work through the application process in order […]
Types of Friends You’ll Make at Gustavus
St. Peter, MN- We understand that it’s hard to understand your place in the universe when you don’t have someone else telling you what to do, say, or think. This is especially […]
New Study Abroad Program in “Fucking, Austria”
PETER, MN – “Fucking will be a great learning opportunity,” said professor Patty Brown, the chief of the German department. “Fucking in Austria will be a formative experience in many of my […]
President’s Ball to Focus on 1920’s Armenia
St. Peter, MN- It is well known that the theme for President’s Ball is built around the 1920s, but what some may not realize is that it’s specifically 1920’s Armenia. It’s not […]
The Emcee From Cabaret Is Narrating Everyone’s Lives in the Theater Building and Won’t Stop
St. Peter MN- Gustavus’ Theater and Dance department just finished their run of the hit musical “Cabaret” over the weekend to most of the actors’ excitement. While the dancers and actors were […]
It Was Ice-T’s Birthday Last Month and None of You Sent Him a Fucking Card
SAINT PETER, MN- Last month it was TV and Music Icon Ice-T’s birthday and all of you forgot. Tracy Lauren “Ice-T” Marrow was born sixty years ago in the year of our […]
Student Research Project Finds That 86% of Bitmojis Are Hotter Than Their Creators
SAINT PETER, MN- Senior Psychology major Jean Ristow recently completed an independent research project aimed at studying “why the hell everyone’s bitmojis are so hot”. Ristow said her inspiration for the study […]
‘Reading In Common’ Program Selects “The Necronomicon” for 2018
Artist’s depiction of the great old one, Cthulhu, rising up from the depths of the ocean to destroy humanity. According to the Necronomicon, this is our eventual fate. ST. PETER, MN – […]
Take Your Professor to the Flame Program Begins
SAINT PETER, MINNESOTA- It seems like dreams really do come true! Instead of the dated Take Your Professor to Lunch bullshit, Gustavus students are finally able to introduce their favorite professors to […]
