SAINT PETER, MN – For a few years now, Gustavus Adolphus College has proudly boasted that it has had relatively few hazing problems with its sororities and fraternities. Or so we all […]
Greek Life Hazing Ritual Makes Members Report to Nearest Army Recruiting Station
Beloved Ted Running for President
ST. PETER, MN – What an amazing day to be alive, Gustavus! In a shocking turn of events for the semester, beloved Market Place staff member Ted Rosenback has announced his campaign […]
Chill Professor Forgoes Final in Favor of 1v1 Mixed Martial Arts Tournament
Finals week is upon us, and getting through it can be a difficult time for many students. After weeks of stress and anxiety over the upcoming final exam, a class of students […]
Health Service Offering Brazilian Butt Lifts Just in Time for Summer
ST. PETER, MN – The meager days of sunshine we have experienced in the past week have prompted many students to break out the shorts they have had stashed in the […]
Campus Safety to Mandate Walking Permits
ST. PETER, MN. – Parking Permits. We all know them. We all hate them. But we all need them in order to drive the necessary 20 minutes in any direction from […]
Opening of New Lund Wing Unveils State-of-the-Art Trampoline Park
ST. PETER, MN – At 6 a.m. on Wednesday morning, a horde of Gusties waited at the entrance to the new expansion of the Lund Athletic Center, curious what the multi-million dollar […]
‘We’re So Screwed’ States Football Player After Learning They Will Have to Play Other Schools in the Fall
ST. PETER, MN– Athletics is something Gustavus has always prided itself upon, being an institution that stresses the importance of both academic and athletic excellence. Gustavus is home to a variety of […]
Our Girl Becky Found Shitfaced and Passed Out in Donor Plaza
ST. PETER, MN — It has gotten to that point in the semester where students are feeling the strain of finals and the end of the year. While going to the bars […]
New FIT Credit Announced: Gyrating and Beyond
ST. PETER, MN — Amid heavy complaints regarding the lack of course options that fill the FIT general education requirement, the HES Department, in collaboration with the Provosts Office and Registrar, has […]
Students on Razor Scooters Arrested for DUI
ST. PETER, MN — As the weather has gradually warmed and sidewalks have cleared, some Gustavus students have taken their trusty Razor Scooters out of storage. The childhood toy has proved to […]
The Fourth Crown 