The Fourth Crown

ST. PETER, MN– With graduation right around the corner for the class of 2023, many seniors are beginning to feel sentimental about their imminent departure from the hill. Feelings of sadness, excitement, […]

COLLEG AV – Alrighty, dickh ads. Frankly, I’v had nough of this shit for a lit ral lif tim. It’s almost graduation. Just one last month of this shitshow. AND SOM FUCKING […]

ST. PETER, MN – Only the oldest and wisest among us remember the pre-COVID glory days of Gustavus, the rumored “buffet line” in the caf, Nemo the campus cat, and yes, the […]

CARLSON ADMINISTRATION BUILDING – This week’s budget transparency panel hosted by President Bergman, Dean VanHecke and Provost Kelly left students with more questions than answers, despite the Provost’s comments assuring students that […]

ST. PETER, MN – This morning, Gustavus Administration made a shocking announcement: to account for the college’s current financial situation, every member of the faculty is now being forced to participate in […]

SAINT PETER, MN – Ever since the Linnaeus Deliberation Circle made the decision to remove the name of Carl Linnaeus from the Arboretum at Gustavus Adolphus College in 2021, the bust of […]

ST PETER, MN – April 22nd was the perfect day to swing by the local Shell gas station and pick up a gallon of free gasoline. When we spoke to Shell CEO […]

ST. PETER, MN – Gusties were overjoyed last week when celebratory bells sounded in Christ Chapel, proclaiming the victory of Ted from the Caf over the forces of the Bergman Regime. Ted’s […]

ST. PETER, MN – After the Organization for Latinx American Students hosted their vibrant & exciting Latinx Night event, the Gustavus campus saw a large number of cis white men outing themselves […]

ST. PETER, MN – Yesterday, it has been reported the Board of Trustees has finally given a public statement about the supposed “debt” that Gustavus is buckling under the weight of. (We […]